Sociopaths Lie About Being College Graduates: It’s the easiest lie to tell because there is no way to verify

Sociopaths seek constant external stimulation and cannot do solo activities such as reading, learning, and studying.  It is unlikely that a Sociopath has an education much beyond high school; no matter what they claim.  Sociopaths are extremely disorganized; their brains are in constant chaos.  (The unlikely chance of not graduating from college does not apply to a person with narcissism or borderline personality disorder as the primary disorder.)

My Sociopath claims to have graduated from Istanbul University with a Bachelor’s Degree.  That is not super high-achieving like a Master’s or PhD but still, pretty good.  He calls himself an Archeologist though he never worked a day in his life as an Archeologist and his supposed “degree” was achieved 40 years ago.

I found this perplexing because not only is he far from being an Archeologist but he cannot concentrate long enough to read more than 2 sentences.  His English writing abilities are atrocious (he uses this as a ‘handicap’ to attract enabling women to do his writing for him; many women fall into this trap because they feel needed and their nurturing nature comes out).  His writing is even atrocious beyond that of a second-language learner.  Plus, he came to America many decades ago and even a long time ago, at Istanbul University, many requirements were to be read/written in English.  Also, Turks begin learning English in the 3rd grade.

He manipulated me into campaigning for him to get him on an HOA board.  His main goal was to destroy the current management team and the HOA’s president.  He had a personal beef against both.  He convinced me of their evilness (I feel bad to this day) and he would save the homeowners (in a position of ‘power’ to be admired).  He was assigned to be the treasurer of the HOA.  Upon receiving his first packet regarding the financials of the association, he could barely read one word of it.  But they were numbers; numbers are the same in both English and Turkish.  I did all the reviewing numbers for him, month after month, and presented him with summaries.  I highlighted the important numbers for him so he could point out the pressing issues as he sat in front of the homeowners (sociopaths seek out others to do their work for them).  He would get confused by my highlights, not remember my summary, and look dead as treasurer.

His motivation went from destroying the old team to seeking admiration; the real work that this position entailed was a tiny bit of self-study and that was impossible for him.  He didn’t have someone paying attention to him, he didn’t feel powerful and he didn’t feel in control of anyone as he put in a bit of personal study time to look over the financials.  If he spent some lone-time learning the financials, he might miss out on something.  He couldn’t even process my highlights.

My Sociopath never spent one moment in quiet contemplation, never read one page of a book, magazine, or newspaper, and he could not sit still to watch even a good quality television program.  However, his small, creepy, garage business was cluttered and overfilled with books and he never read one of them; I was more enthralled by his dirty collection of molded books than he was.

A book would not admire him.  A book would not glow upon him.  A book would not mother and nurture him and cater to his immense inner cravings that could never be satiated.  He had no use in books.  He had to be in the faces of people constantly.  He had to be trolling on the internet.  He was on every single social media site possible (odd for a 60-year-old man).  He was constantly ‘friending’ strangers, constantly hitting ‘like.’ He had to be controlling everyone and everything that surrounded him.  He had to be crying on the streets that he was a victim of me; and before I came along, he was crying on the streets that he was abused by his other exes and children.  He couldn’t sleep at night; he sat up half the night, computer in lap, scrolling, trolling, tapping.

How then could he get through all those years of college?  College takes dedication, commitment and fortitude; you cannot suck off the attention of someone else to self-learn, to self-study, to self-absorb, process, and manifest concepts.  You cannot manipulate an enabling woman or weak man to do it for you (well, okay, a few assignments maybe; but a whole degree?).  It didn’t make sense.  He has no ability for personal growth; only to destroy exes and children and those who he feels step on his toes; only to destroy those he cannot manipulate and control.

He found my Master’s diploma hidden in the bottom of one of my old boxes that was pushed way back in an unused closet (constantly snooping, spying: must maintain constant and complete control over everyone, everything, and everyplace).  He made numerous copies of it and hung them everywhere, even at our business.  I was embarrassed.

My degree became his reflection.  I was his property; therefore, my degree was his property; a reflection of his achievement too.  Sociopaths have no identity; they take on the identity of their current target.  I asked him why he didn’t hang his diploma instead.  His face turned dead; his countenance was like that of a reptile.

I have no doubt that he may have attended college.  However, attending college is different from graduating.  Sociopaths must control every aspect of their external environment, must stay in control of their social surroundings and cannot concentrate and focus inwardly.  Sociopaths look and act ADHD; they run in circles but don’t get anything done; they are muddled messes of intense cravings for outer stimuli.  They constantly exclaim of their hard work but it is all exaggerations.  Studying and learning is a lone activity and Sociopaths cannot do anything by themselves; they must constantly absorb the energy of others!  They do not have their own energy but suck off of others.  College requires one’s own energy!

Did he graduate in 1984 or 1990 from Istanbul University?  You’d think that would be an important year to remember.  Excuse the fun I had with my new “Paint” program, hehe.  And, really: I’m the only one that notices his insanity?  Gotta love those enablers.:/

Lynna, My Sociopath – Struck by A Sociopath

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1990 Graduate

 

Now, he graduated in 1984 from Istanbul University.
Now, he graduated in 1984 from Istanbul University.

 

 

 

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Is There Safety in The Short, Fat, Unattractive, Bald Man?

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I’ve been on my own since I turned 18.  I came from an extremely abusive and neglectful home and have been in the “fight for my life” ever since.  Unlike so many others that come from similar circumstances, I did not turn to drugs, alcohol, crime, whoring-around, prostitution or other destructive means of coping.  Instead, I turned to education, animal rescue, environmental work, being the perpetual advocate for everyone and everything, the study of philosophy and cultures, and just trying to be the “best, most innocent and non-threatening little girl” in the world.  Yes, I had to be worthy of my existence (because I was “tainted”) by always achieving, doing, growing, being “better,” doing more…It’s endless, really.  

Unbeknownst to me, until recently, I was seeking “daddy.” I wanted a man to take care of me as much as I took care of him, myself and everything else.  The much older, Turkish Professor that picked me up at college would surely take care of me.  He was tall, dark, and what some women would consider “handsome.” Though, I would later realize he was what many of the “hardened” and sluts would consider “handsome” because he has the “predator” stare and look.  I, on the other hand, mistook the “predator” stare for “protection.”  He subconsciously reminded me of my controlling and abusive father.  However, I worked like a “slave” to be in the graced presence (according to his ego) of this much older man that was so much “better” than I.  I was tainted, defective, lesser-than this Old Professor.  Yes, a reverse of psychological logic in any society of past or present: The older man cherishes, protects and takes care of the youth and goodness of the younger woman. 

Fast forward 13-years and my walking away from this man too many times to remember and him pulling me back with grandiose promises that I wanted to believe.  I finally rebounded to another Turkish man that had always been lingering around Turkish Professor and I. This Turkish man was shorter, fatter, balder and less attractive than Turk 1.  He was also much older than I.  But, he did not have the predator stare and he diverted his eyes as if he were shy.  I would be safe with a Short, Fat, Unattractive, Older Turkish man with shy and diverted eyes.  He later confided in me that he purposefully does the “shy, look-away” game with women to give them the impression that he is NOT interested.  Women want men that don’t stare them down or drool over them.   

Turk 2 would be My Sociopath that destroyed not only every aspect of the good that I gave him but every good that surrounded us.  He destroyed his wife and daughter previously; but I was with Turk 1 at the time of witnessing this destruction, and I believed he was the “misunderstood, outcast.”  My Sociopath was insecure regarding his Turkish looks and wanted to be considered French looking.  He had difficulty in attracting women so he found women, like myself at the time, that was on the rebound from another relationship or just going through a difficult time and he would be our savior.  He was a handyman and all women need their own handyman. 

I rebounded from My Sociopath to an even Shorter, Fatter, Balder, More Unattractive Older Man.  Surely, I’m getting even smarter because I’m going “lower,” “wider,” and even more “undesirable.”  This man would be faithful and truthful and not only appreciate me but take care of my youth, beauty, education, intelligence, wit, humor, expansive mind…I’m getting closer to “safety.”  He made me numerous lofty promises within the first week of knowing me. 

This man had recently destroyed his family to pursue a 4′ Filipino Woman that was married and had multiple children by multiple men.  Short, Fat, Bald, Unattractive, Older Man and this Filipino Woman were “soul mates” and of course she was not sleeping with her husband; and he was the victim of a horrible wife and unappreciative children and the Filipino Woman was going to “save him.”  This all seemed plausible.  Did I mention that I was “intelligent?”  He confided in me that he liked Short, Filipino Nurses because they were submissive, care-takers.  His wife was also a Short, Filipino Nurse.  

But, why was I with him after all this Short, Filipino Nurse talk?  He was getting revenge on the Short, Filipino Nurse “girlfriend” (not wife) for going on vacation with her husband. (Of course, she would never sleep with her husband; it was just the “vacationing” point of the matter).  When he met me, I came across sweet and submissive.  I wanted to be approved of and taken care of.  I was non-demanding and non-assertive.  I was non-threatening to The Short, Fat, Bald, Unattractive, Older Man.  I was a tall, white version of a Short, Filipino Nurse.  I was an advocate, a teacher, a care-taker, a people-pleaser that was still looking for “father.”  I soon realized that Short, Fat, Bald, Unattractive, Older Man had the predator stare; but he had the cold, blue, sinister eyes unlike the brown eyes (purposefully diverted or penetrating) of the Turks. 

I travelled down a long road of destructive relationships in trying to find “father” and being the perfect, sweet, non-demanding “daughter.” I have come to the end of these travels and have pulled all these experiences together and have come to a conclusion: The Short, Fat, Bald, Unattractive, Older Men might be the most lethal of all men.  Why?  They feel a deep sense of an inner inferiority and learned to be manipulative in order to control their outer surroundings.  These men have suffered a life of bullying, ridicule, rejection, being overlooked for their taller and more handsome counterparts, and many of these men have to work harder to get in life what comes easier to those men with greater “endowments” (and in other “areas” not mentioned).  Being born like this was not something they had control over; they could not stop the ridicule they experienced on the playground, in the neighborhood, in the classroom or within the family unit.  Their lack of height and “good looks” was mentioned to them by siblings and their parents treated them differently from their taller, better looking family members.

These shorter guys (they don’t go bald until later in life) had no control over their second-class treatment and of a life-time of feeling inferior.  Controlling 4′ Filipino Nurses is easy. (According to the group of  Filipino women that I hang out with at my gym: Filipino women are trained by their mothers from a young age to only behave “submissively” until they gain control of the man’s life, home, and wallet.  Certain types of people find one another…”Birds of a feather…”).  Controlling me was even easier (I am truly submissive without wanting or expecting a man’s life, home, or wallet): I just wanted to find safety and be the perfect little “girl” for the “father” that I never had.  

The lesson learned is to first find my own “safety” before I look for it in someone else; no matter how safe the “package” looks.  Second lesson I learned is: Don’t act like a Filipino Woman unless I actually get “something” out of the deal (Thank you Emilita: My Filipino friend at the gym). 

Lynna, My Sociopath – Struck by A Sociopath

image: http://filmrise.com/fat-bald-short-man-gordo-calvo-y-bajito/

Sociopath and Borderline Personality Disorder, Part II

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I’ve been discussing Sociopaths on Facebook for almost a year now, and never got hit with anger before. For the first time, I mention BPD and there is an out-lash.

I thought the anger was coming from the Facebook War going on between the different Sociopath/Narcissist Page/Group Administrators and it finally came to me over here. I’ve stayed out of the fb fighting, keep a low profile, don’t promote my pages but then someone turned it around on me and became angry that I “should take sides.” Just can’t win.

I then considered that maybe I did strike a nerve unknowingly, even though what I wrote are mere observation listed in a factual way without my emotions being inserted in.

I reviewed the research again and yes: both Sociopaths/Bpd’s do have obsessions with monitoring, tracking, spying…But most everyone knows this!

Normal people don’t do this. I’ve never tracked, monitored, spied on, or invaded the life of anyone.  This is not love. This is not a friendship nor is it normal between family members. This is a desperate attempt to control the outside environment (people) because there is no sense of inner control. 

Yes, BPD people tend to get involved with married partners because they are more delusional, equate “love” with the drama involved and there’s a certain distance that can be maintained.  Many have such warped egos that they believe they “won” out over the husband. It becomes a game for the BPD…winning, tricking and “pulling one over” on the husband. All the while, not even absorbing the deception on their part (the BPD person) let alone the deceptive personality of the wife they are involved with who is cheating, lying, playing games between the husband and the “lover” (the BPD person), and just using the “lover” as a distraction from life with husband, and a “safety net” to fall upon once she is divorced because of the mess she created. It’s a match made in hell.

The BPD person is delusional about “love” and does not make connections that since this woman is deceptive and cunning between her current husband and him, she too will do this to him. The BPD person will have moments of clarity and see things for what they are; he will then create some drama about it all (she still hasn’t left her husband for me?), get “turned on” by the drama with the married woman, equate that drama with love for her, and then slip back into delusions that the “married” woman that doesn’t leave her husband but instead vacations with him is his “soul mate.”

Sociopaths tend to be more possessive and don’t share their women with other men. A Sociopath will cheat with anyone and anything for attention, stimulation, and ego gratification (like the BPD), but if their woman dares look at another man, she is now a “deceiver” and no longer trustworthy. Sociopaths have double standards: they are actual liars, cheaters, and deceivers but their woman cannot move from the restrictive box he contains her in.

A person with BPD can look like a Sociopath because both have no sense of self, have constant drama in their life, and engages in risky behaviors. The “no sense of self” accounts for the obsessive need to track, monitor, spy on and control others. Regarding The BPD Man, the constant drama is being married himself, having a married “girlfriend,” and trying to bring me into the mess (hit upon this in the previous post).  The “risky behaviors” are all of these (and more) wrapped up into one.

The BPD Man glowed as he reported to me that he and the “married girlfriend” text each other while she is sitting at lunch/dinner with her husband. Again, not normal stuff: Risky, drama creating, and no sense of self.

This all connects to my previous post on The BPD Man equating the constant tracking, monitoring, spying on to an actual “love” whereas My Sociopath did similar behaviors out of an angry need to find something wrong with the person.  Both The BPD Man and My Sociopath live one “train wreck” after another because they are both constantly looking for outside sources for a sense of inner completion.  However, My Sociopath was much more sinister, evil and controlled in his crazy-making strategies while The BPD man was much more exposed and appeared to be riding the edge of a breakdown.

Both these men told me that they can’t be alone. When one cannot find a sense of their own being…outside sources are then manipulated, abusively controlled, used for deceptive reasons and ultimately destroyed

Everything that I wrote previously and the elaboration here is not repeating BPD and Sociopath literature, but it is a combination of my reading other sources and pulling it all together with my first hand experiences with the attempt of making sense of it all.

Lynna, My Sociopath – Struck by A Sociopath

Subtle differences between Sociopath and Borderline Personality Disorder

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For many of us who were damaged by a person with a Personality Disorder, we become obsessed with trying to figure out what happened. The tricks, games, deceits, back-stabbings, betrayals, half-truths and overall lack of loyalty, integrity, compassion, and empathy is mind-blowing to a person with a conscience.

On the voyage of discovery, my quest has been to pick through the differences between a Sociopath and someone with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). However, the line is confusing and blurred with these two disorders because many Sociopaths also have BPD and many with BPD have tendencies toward Sociopath. Of course, every Sociopath is a Narcissist but not every Narcissist is a Sociopath. Oh my, I’m going to leave the Narcissist out of this for now.

Why all the confusion? All these disorders manifest in similar ways: using, manipulating, exploiting, and then destroying the innocent for benefit without conscience.  Some of the things that a person with a Personality Disorder seek are sex, money, labor, relief of boredom, to gain attention from the social circle, an easier living arrangement, or just to have a “mommy” to do cooking, cleaning, laundry, and to take care of the home.

Above and beyond the “using” comes the destruction of the “target” via destructive and crazy-making behaviors that ruin the target’s emotional, mental, physical and financial health. For the person with the Personality Disorder, it’s constant drama, attempt to dominate and control by any method possible, and using up and then destroying the intimate partner with the perpetual cry of “I’m a victim, she’s the abuser.”

Being the “victim” serves not only to gain pity and attention but to bait in the next target. The cycle continues for the Personality Disordered. 

Now for the subtle differences between a Sociopath and a BPD. I had the honor and privilege of meeting another very disturbed individual after my breakup with My Sociopath.  Those of us out of a dangerous relationship often become the target for another predator because we are weakened and vulnerable.  Just like in the animal kingdom, the wounded of the herd is the first to be eaten by a predator. I was ripe for the picking. I didn’t hang around long enough to determine if I was dealing with a Sociopath with BPD, but for certain the BPD was emerging almost immediately.

The following similarities between My Sociopath and The BPD MAN are based on my experience and dissection only. I’ve discovered other similarities such as how My Sociopath and The BPD Man pick their targets, but that is for another blog. Though I label some similarities as “dominate” or “control,” and some as “insecurity,” I believe all of these play a factor in each listed and for both disorders; I use the label that was most prominent when it appeared.

1.  IMMEDIATELY BECOMING YOUR PERFECT MAN

My Sociopath: Dominance, Control; take away your individuality. “If I become her perfect man by becoming her, she will then yield into me, and I will control every aspect of her being.”

BPD Man: Insecurity, no sense of self: “I must become her perfect man by becoming her, or she will not love me.”

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2.  GPS TRACKING 

My Sociopath: Control method derived from hatred; wants to catch you at something to perpetuate the smear-campaign against you: he’s the “victim” and you are the “crazy” one: “See, I told you. Look at her, she’s doing something bad. I was the good one all along.” 

BPD Man: Control method derived from extreme insecurity and delusions: “When I am tracking your movements by GPS, it means that we are connected and therefore you “love” me and I “love” you.

*From the BPD man regarding his married girlfriend (not me; he is a married man with a married girlfriend, I was 3rd down witnessing all this): My married girlfriend is on vacation with her husband, but since I am watching the GPS tracking of their vacation spot, she is connected to me, therefore she loves me, even though she is in a motel room with her husband.” 

3.  SPYING ON YOUR PHONE AND COMPUTER

My Sociopath: Dominance and Control: “I had a right to do it, you are my property, you have no right to privacy; I will immediately find something to prove that you are a bad person.” 

BPD Man: Insecurity: “I did it because there is no way that you love me and I must find the evidence to prove that I am right.” 

4.  CONDUCTING A FULL BACKGROUND CHECK ON YOU SOON AFTER MEETING YOU

My Sociopath: To exploit you: “I will find something to use against you so that I can do what ever I want to you, and you will not be able to say or do anything about it because I found (this) against you.” 

BPD Man: Excuse for when he sabotages the relationship: “See, I told you that it wouldn’t work out because you have (this) against you.” 

One BIG difference between My Sociopath and the The BPD Man that stood out for me, and there are no similarities to be found, is when it comes to “their woman” being around other men: 

My Sociopath: Would never share me with another man. Sociopaths must completely control, dominate, and OWN their woman. Another man that came in my sight of vision was a threat to MS’s control and dominance.  My Sociopath would say something strange about me to any man that he felt was a threat so the man was afraid to come near me. I was an isolated object only onto him.

BPD Man:  No problem in sharing “his woman” (referring to his married “girlfriend”) with another man; in complete denial and is delusional in his belief that the woman is his although she continues to find excuses to stay with her husband.  The BPD believes that she couldn’t possibly be sleeping with her husband because of her undying love toward him.

BPD’s find excuses to keep a certain distance from intimate relationships, or to avoid getting too close to someone, though they rationalize they want to fully commit. A married woman is a perfect object of delusional “true love” fantasies for a BPD.

My Summary: I found that The BPD Man was a predator that needed to possess, control, manipulate and dominate, but with more insecurity, delusions, and less control over his methods.

My Sociopath is insecure but his methods of control and dominance were more cunning, deceptive, refined, developed, sinister, evil and better executed so as to leave the target shocked and immobilized and his enablers believing his stories of “victimhood” once again.

Lynna, My Sociopath – Struck by A Sociopath

Vista, CA Family (Civil) Court Complaint Process

There is extreme incompetence “functioning” from all levels at the San Diego County Superior Court, Family (Civil) Court Division.  Some of my experiences include, but not limited to, the following:

Filing Clerks turning me away and refusing to accept my filings for what they told me were “procedural” errors (advising me to return with “Signature Forms” and “Cover Sheets” that were not needed) to only determine later, that I was correct and they were wrong.

Court Transcribers who “failed” to document important details of my case.

Incompetent Commissioners who were not reading the case ahead of time (and were doing a poor job at “scanning”) and had no idea what the most important details were.

Commissioner Lowe pleading with me to abandon my Contempt filing against the ex husband because “Contempt Cases are difficult and a lot of hard work” when I had 4 witnesses that he was continuing to harass me against her stated court orders.

But, for the 2-months that my Contempt Hearing for husband’s harassment against judge’s orders sat on the calendar, ex continued to harass me and I was unable to file retraining orders against him because I already filed a Contempt charge.

I was in extreme danger while the Contempt Hearing sat on the court calendar for months and then when the date was close, Commissioner Lowe confused me into abandoning it. I later discovered that she did this to save court time and money.

Judge Lowe was supporting the abuser, and not protecting the abused, because it was easier. 

Positive Note: There is an anti-harassment order against ex husband permanently written in our divorce settlement.

A “Settlement Judge” (an attorney that volunteers as “Settlement Judge” to rise in the “ranks” and to enhance his credentials) who wanted to look good in front of my judge so he both cajoled me (you’re the big- person; you’re sweet and beautiful) and frightened me into giving everything away because my ex husband was “crazy” (Settlement Judge told my attorney and myself that he could tell the ex husband was “crazy” because of my immense contribution to the marriage, the husband floundering away my extreme investment, and then husband had the “take all and leave wife destitute” mentality). 

The Settlement Judge encouraging me to walk away from everything that was owed to me because the ex husband is “crazy” is supporting the abuser.

We all need to speak up and against the gross wrongdoings of the extreme dysfunction of the Vista, CA family court system. Here are some ways to do this:

1. Written complaints regarding Vista, CA Family Court Judges/Commissioners:

Supervising Family Law Judge, Maureen Hallahan

1555 6th Avenue

San Diego, CA 92101

Department F5

2. Online Form SDSC CIV-249, To Request Change/Reassignment of Judge/Commissioner in Family Court Cases:

http://www.sdcourt.ca.gov/portal/page?_pageid=55,1524469&_dad=portal

a. Click on above link. b. Click on “Forms” c. In upper right “search box,” input 249. d. Click on first choice, “PEREMPTORY CHALLENGE.”

3.  Complaint Form regarding other Vista, CA family court matters, including Mediators/Counselors.  This form does not include Judges/Commissioners (see above).  Same procedure as above but input FCS 044 into “search box”:

Form: FCS 044

4.  Procedural/General Questions regarding your Family Court Case:

Call: 760-201-8600

Press: 1 (English), then 4, then 0

Phone Hours: M-Th: 8:00-12:00, 1:00-4:30, Friday: 8:00-12:00

You may be on hold for a while.

The Destruction of your Social Circle by the Sociopath

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A Sociopath must control all aspects of your being. This means he must control your friends, acquaintances, and family.

Why would a Sociopath want to control your social environment? To leave you isolated, dependent and relying upon him only, and despondent and left alone when his crazy-making starts so that you have few support lines to grab onto. 

This also keeps his Sociopath Mask hanging on by a string when the mask begins to slip off, or when things fall apart for him in yet another relationship: “It’s her, not me. Her family hates her, she has no friends, no one likes her.”

I lived in peace in my condo before MS (My Sociopath, Kenan Umit) and when he moved in with me, everything fell apart.

I would catch him in a lie, he would lie on top of that lie, I would question him further, he would dramatically run out of my condo with head lowered, hunched over, tugging at the few strands of his bald head and inevitably would run into a neighbor and proceed to act confused and exasperated.

My neighbor would be forced to ask what happened (well there was no choice, a bumbling, drama-queen idiot was standing there) and he would of course turn it around on me and act defeated: “I can’t win, I work so hard, I try so hard” (I’m a victim, have pity upon me)…and of course never mentioning anything about his getting caught in yet another lie and act of destruction.  A normal person may have muttered: “I messed up, I’m such an idiot.”

MS single-handedly destroyed the entire mood of my neighborhood with his dramatic victimization dance.

Later, my smart neighbors would question my “sanity” for marrying an “old creep.” I wish he were just an old creep; much easier to deal with than a Sociopath.

In addition, a Sociopath will destroy your community network.

I worked in and out of various animal rights/rescue groups my entire adult life. I had no enemies. MS infiltrated this group by offering some of these people extreme favors (he’s a handyman/electronic repair man). Every time I caught him in another trick, he would call one of these people and do his injured cry of defeat.

I was shocked and mortified. My animal rescue network! I pleaded with him: “I’ve worked with these people for years, we WORK together and that is all, these people know nothing of my personal life, please don’t call these people.” He would do it again, and again…

A Sociopath will win the love of your family and tell everyone that your family hates you. 

I hadn’t seen my mother in 3-years and hadn’t had a vacation in that long either and my physical health was depleted because of MS’s constant crazy-making. I finally get to go see my mother and of course MS had to tag along. We spent 8 days with my mother but I barely saw her: MS kept us working and doing home repairs the entire time. When we weren’t working, MS was snooping on my mother’s computer while lying to her that he was “fixing it.” (MS is a proud hacker). Of course, I was delighted in the fact that so much work got done for my mother, but confused on why I left “vacation” more exhausted than ever before and my mother and I never had any alone time.

I had no idea what would become of my mother’s home repairs until divorcing MS. MS told everyone that my mother hated me and loved him.  But according to MS, everyone of his exes had mothers and families that hated them. MS called my mother during our separation and begged her to “take my side.” Long after our divorce, MS called me to ask: “does your mother still love him?” This literally made my mouth drop open. This is a failed attempt at team-building and the smear campaign wrapped up in one.

Living with and divorcing/separating from a Sociopath is like a war. Look into the past history of your Sociopath: He will always have horrible and crazy relationships and especially the ending of these relationships, will be like an all out war. In any war, there are casualties and some friends, family members and acquaintances may be lost. This is a small price to pay for freedom and eventually peace from your Sociopath.

After any battle, you must retreat.  MS caused complete destruction in every aspect of my life (financially, physically, emotionally, socially). I withdrew, licked my wounds and did not chase anyone that MS tried to taint against me. I played it cool. Within a year, almost every person returned to me and said something similar to this: “We’ve been watching you since you left him, you are so much happier, always so friendly and smiling…we realize now that he is crazy.” 

This is redeeming and it feels good, but I didn’t need it. I went on to make new friends, build new social circles, and create a new life for myself. It was hard work but that is the price of being in a war: You must recreate yourself; you must rebuild. 

Lynna, My Sociopath-Struck by a Sociopath

Why is the current or past target of a Sociopath always “Bi-polar?”

defeatdespair

Paula of “Escaping the Boy: My Life with a Sociopath”  brought up this topic and it got me thinking. Most of us involved in an abusive relationship (past or present), was called “crazy” and then we were the “crazy ex” and often times, the “bi-polar” word is attached to our “craziness.” But why aren’t we “Schizophrenic” or “Manic” or even “Histrionic?”  Most Sociopath’s use the “bi-polar” word to describe their “crazy ex” and their resulting “victimization” because of the “crazy ex.”

I came up with what I believe are some answers:

1. Bi-polar is hard to prove or disprove to the casual observer.  Anyone can be bi-polar and it is often hidden behind closed doors.

Regarding a mental illness such as Schizophrenia…now that’s out there!  I have a cousin with Schizophrenia and he rattles off about gps chips planted in his skin; his food being poisoned by the CIA because his high IQ threatens the whole “system;” his t.v. having an inner camera where the government is monitoring him.  There is usually little mistaking a person with Schizophrenia.

Everyone has typical “mood swings” but do many of us have delusions or  hear voices?

Plus, who even knows what “Histrionic” is?  Most everyone thinks “bi-polar,” ahhh, “mood swings.”  When I think of “Histrionic,” I think of an overly sexualized, scantily clad, manipulative woman. If a Sociopath were to call us “Histrionic,” not only would that require more creativity but it would be a “cool” thing for him! It wouldn’t confirm his “victimization” at the hands of a “bi-polar” with crazy ups and downs, but may imply that he’s getting a lot of sex. (all funniness aside, Sociopaths are too dumb to even use the “Histrionic” word against us when “Bi-polar” is so generic and elementary).

2.  A Sociopath’s (or any abusive partner) tricks, games, and deceptions make us appear bi-polar.

I recently detailed the “David” ordeal created by My Sociopath (MS, Kenan Umit). To briefly summarize (will then add to it and how it relates to this topic):

MS secretly deleted most of my phone and email contacts. I was to be isolated onto him only. Sociopaths are extremely insecure and therefore must control all aspects of your life and individuality. My mother called from Ohio during a violent freezing hailstorm that was ripping her home apart. She asked me for the phone number of “David,” our family handyman. My mom couldn’t locate the number in her panic and since I grew up with David, I had it.

I went to pull David’s number from my phone, it was gone. I went to get his contact from my email account, it was gone. My mother was crying on the phone. I soon realized that MS deleted most all of my contacts and during this panic (mine and my mother’s on the phone), MS stood back in a corner watching me with his cold, eerie dead face, and vacant stare as I begged him to tell me what happened to David’s contact information.

MS denied deleting my contacts, called me “crazy” and stood like a monster as my mother cried on the phone and I was in a state of confusion of all my missing contacts. (MS later admitted he deleted most all my contacts).

During all this, a worker walked into our business. MS immediately took on this facade of shyness, meekness, victimization, confusion and overall bewilderment on what was happening, on what I was going through. He rolled his eye in a state of despair toward the worker in regards to my panic, and became a little beaten boy in the corner with slumped shoulders and diverted eyes.

When we are “gaslighted” (definition of “gaslighting” from Wikipedia at bottom) or covertly sabotaged by a Sociopath, our biological system goes into a state of panic. To those people that didn’t see what happened leading up to our panic and walk in seeing only our state of confusion and despair, and witness the Sociopath standing eerily calm and emotionless…it is easy  to fall into the Sociopath’s trap of the smear campaign: “she’s crazy, bi-polar.”

How many times have you yourself heard: “He/she’s bi-polar” and you think nothing of it? Throwing out “bi-polar” against anyone is an easy escape and an unquestionable way for the Sociopath to appear like the “victim.”

Lynna, My Sociopath – Struck by A Sociopath

Gaslighting is a form of mental abuse in which false information is presented with the intent of making a victim doubt his or her own memoryperception andsanity.[1] Instances may range simply from the denial by an abuser that previous abusive incidents ever occurred, up to the staging of bizarre events by the abuser with the intention of disorienting the victim. (Wikipedia)

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