Since Narcissists are NEVER at fault for anything…and everything must always be their way and on their terms…they will rage when you hold them responsible or call them out on something…when you finally put a stop to their taking over and consuming your entire being, presence, essence, existence…
See…this is why controlling, dominating, aggressive, bullying and overpowering people target kind, soft and yielding people to begin with: We allow our entire existence to be penetrated and consumed and right from the very beginning. We allow them to take us over – our time, our energy, and even our preferences.
He must infiltrate every aspect of our outer and inner life to feel loved, to feel accepted, to feel validated as a human – to feel as if he belongs among fellow living souls who DO have a sense-of-being…souls who DO have a sense-of-self…souls who DO have a sense-of-direction…ALL that he does NOT have and can only appear-to-have upon toxically attaching himself to us.
He feeds us his toxic-energy masked by love-gestures while sucking up and stealing our pure energy. Not only is this an exchange of energy but of souls…though we become toxic and de-energized as he grows more alive and more energized.
This is why he MUST Love-Bomb: He is exchanging his harmful energy – cleverly disguised to seem like healthy energy that we need (love, security and hope for the future) – with our truly loving, good, pure and grounded energy – infiltrating us – attaching the strings of his weak and ill soul into our healthy and strong soul.
Understand: He is a disconnected-soul floating along on an air-stream and can only ground himself when he has linked to our soul (our solid sense-of-being). This “linking” is of course toxic, controlling, manipulative, desperate, all-encompassing, and all-consuming…for he learned to toxically control and manipulate in childhood.
He must toxically link to us in this domineering and controlling way because otherwise he feels insecure, out of control, not completely loved, and lost and detached. He cannot act in moderation and with consistency and stability because this would feel, to him, that he is not securely attached within us…and that we may find someone else more attractive and lovable and thus, go elsewhere.
He thinks all people are insecurely attached…that we are all floating around attaching ourselves to this person and to that person. He, therefore, betrays us before we can betray him.
He must strangle and overpower our souls with the barbed wire of his insecurities so to feel “loved.”
Narcissists are co-dependent and extremely NEEDY and INSECURE.
He must achieve instant recognition and approval to feel loved, worthy and alive. This is why Narcissists will ingratiate themselves to anyone that they think matters: people that will give them sex, co-workers, bosses, people they think might have power or an “in” to something, and children that they have brainwashed, made co-dependent and created toxic bonds with.
He must be in CONTROL OF HOW OTHERS SEE AND PERCEIVE HIM…because through this…through controlling other people’s perceptions…he feels a control of souls…his within ours. This is why he will Smear and Triangulate those of us who go against the PERCEPTION that he is projecting outward to others. He must control everyone and everything…this includes the thoughts of others…what others think of him…or else he feels out of control. He does not only love-bomb intimate partners but will love-bomb others to control how they think of him and see him. Again, this indicates a person detached from soul.
People who are linked to and guided by their own soul do not ingratiate (instead are wholesomely charming), nor do they look to others for validation, approval, or superficial and meaningless attention (instead seek to do good and higher-work that will positively impact this planet).
He does not have any of his own attachment strings…to himself, to his own soul mission, to what he should be doing or where he should be going on his OWN. This is why he turns into who we are during the initial stage of his attaching to our soul – everything that we are, he is – everything we do, he does – everything we enjoy, he enjoys. He cannot internally attach to his own being for he does not have his own being – he is a void. Everything he does and everything he is…is through external attachment…clutching onto us for grounding and for validation.
However, we are moving souls that are seeking growth so as soon as we start kicking and screaming our way loose from his suffocating games, he turns on us: lie, cheat, gaslight, stonewall, silent-treatment, smear, triangulate and run to attach himself to someone else…anyone else.
When we fail to reflect ourselves, every ounce of ourselves, onto him (by disagreeing or disapproving)…and god forbid if we even hint at another person’s significance in our lives (remember, he must consume and control every ounce of our existence to feel “loved”)…he, in an instant, detaches himself from any connection (albeit a toxic connection) and will, in an instant, toxically connect himself to any person that is yielding enough to permit it. Disloyal. Liar. Untrustworthy. Serial Cheater. Cycle repeats.
His toxic attachment-style is the only way he knows how to survive in this world, to be “alive”…it is through controlling us in an effort to link himself to anything, anyone…to Humanness.
He can only feel validated by the all-consuming of our very existence. Hence, when we put up a boundary…make a stand…try to protect ourselves…to hold him responsible…expect him to be a real man that’s responsible…or even if we should ever expect anything (they only want to “give” when convenient and when not asked for)…
When we attempt to INDIVIDUALIZE ourselves from him:
He feels as if we severed his soul-cord that he tangled around and within us and thus, his frightened and disconnected soul takes flight to attach itself into someone else…anyone else…it does not matter…whoever will allow it; there are a lot of desperate and lonely people out there who are not doing their own soul-work and will welcome the all-consuming love-bombing.
This is why he cannot be alone and must jump from one love-bombing episode – one “relationship” – to the next. He must move on, and quickly, to infiltrate and attach himself to the next source that will permit his all-consuming soul-attachment or else…he feels as if he is unattached, un-grounded and floating away.
He is truly a Lost Soul and this is why nothing is ever real or lasting for him. Only strong souls, who do strong soul work, endure.
We can only ever connect to our own soul and the only way this can be done is through INDIVIDUAL work: higher goal-oriented work and projects that will benefit humanity and this planet, service work (charity and volunteering), and introspection on how we are REALLY affecting the people around us and the making of needed adjustments so that we stop our negative patterns…he cannot do this.
He only rationalizes, in his own isolated head, how he treats us. He does not really SEE us from his soul; nor does he SEE what he does to us from his soul; this would require soul-attachment.
Afterword: Before I end, we should visit this beginning paragraph: “See…this is why controlling, dominating, aggressive, bullying and overpowering people target kind, soft and yielding people to begin with: We allow our entire existence to be penetrated and consumed and right from the very beginning. We allow them to take us over – our time, our energy, and even our preferences.”
How do kind, soft and non-aggressive people navigate in a world of controlling, dominating, aggressive, and predatory-type of people?
The answer is in that “yielding” word. We must remain kind and soft but with boundaries; or meaning, to NOT act like a hard core B but to not give ourselves over to people and to take things very slowly. Sometimes things get messy but do not give people too many and repeated chances. Know when enough is enough and when to walk away with dignity.
And the number one way you can protect yourself is to NOT have sex with someone until after a year of dating them. Narcissists push sex very quickly and this goes back to their not being soul-attached and trying to infiltrate your very essence, your existence. I even used the “penetrate” word earlier – not meaning it sexually – but the Narcissist does, literally, in the sexual sense, try to penetrate our being, because, again, he is not only trying to ground himself through us but he is trying to take complete control over us: our heart, soul, mind and body. (This also applies to the Narcissist/Histrionic woman who looks like and/or pretends to be a porn actress and jumps around faking orgasms…she is trying to get the man addicted to her.)
Narcissists are sensory deadened and one of the few ways they can feel “something,” anything, is through sex. This is why they are sex addicts and also have other addiction such as food, shopping, alcohol, gambling, exhilarating activities…to feel alive.
But one of the ultimate ways in which they manipulate and control us is through the creation of the sex-bond…which women misunderstand to be a love-bond.
images: Dragon by Michelangelo (michelangelo-gallery.com), The Damned Soul by Michelangelo (soul-wikipedia), Nourishment for the Soul (arsarteetlabore-odilon-redon-silence)