Sociopath and Borderline Personality Disorder, Part II

confusion

I’ve been discussing Sociopaths on Facebook for almost a year now, and never got hit with anger before. For the first time, I mention BPD and there is an out-lash.

I thought the anger was coming from the Facebook War going on between the different Sociopath/Narcissist Page/Group Administrators and it finally came to me over here. I’ve stayed out of the fb fighting, keep a low profile, don’t promote my pages but then someone turned it around on me and became angry that I “should take sides.” Just can’t win.

I then considered that maybe I did strike a nerve unknowingly, even though what I wrote are mere observation listed in a factual way without my emotions being inserted in.

I reviewed the research again and yes: both Sociopaths/Bpd’s do have obsessions with monitoring, tracking, spying…But most everyone knows this!

Normal people don’t do this. I’ve never tracked, monitored, spied on, or invaded the life of anyone.  This is not love. This is not a friendship nor is it normal between family members. This is a desperate attempt to control the outside environment (people) because there is no sense of inner control. 

Yes, BPD people tend to get involved with married partners because they are more delusional, equate “love” with the drama involved and there’s a certain distance that can be maintained.  Many have such warped egos that they believe they “won” out over the husband. It becomes a game for the BPD…winning, tricking and “pulling one over” on the husband. All the while, not even absorbing the deception on their part (the BPD person) let alone the deceptive personality of the wife they are involved with who is cheating, lying, playing games between the husband and the “lover” (the BPD person), and just using the “lover” as a distraction from life with husband, and a “safety net” to fall upon once she is divorced because of the mess she created. It’s a match made in hell.

The BPD person is delusional about “love” and does not make connections that since this woman is deceptive and cunning between her current husband and him, she too will do this to him. The BPD person will have moments of clarity and see things for what they are; he will then create some drama about it all (she still hasn’t left her husband for me?), get “turned on” by the drama with the married woman, equate that drama with love for her, and then slip back into delusions that the “married” woman that doesn’t leave her husband but instead vacations with him is his “soul mate.”

Sociopaths tend to be more possessive and don’t share their women with other men. A Sociopath will cheat with anyone and anything for attention, stimulation, and ego gratification (like the BPD), but if their woman dares look at another man, she is now a “deceiver” and no longer trustworthy. Sociopaths have double standards: they are actual liars, cheaters, and deceivers but their woman cannot move from the restrictive box he contains her in.

A person with BPD can look like a Sociopath because both have no sense of self, have constant drama in their life, and engages in risky behaviors. The “no sense of self” accounts for the obsessive need to track, monitor, spy on and control others. Regarding The BPD Man, the constant drama is being married himself, having a married “girlfriend,” and trying to bring me into the mess (hit upon this in the previous post).  The “risky behaviors” are all of these (and more) wrapped up into one.

The BPD Man glowed as he reported to me that he and the “married girlfriend” text each other while she is sitting at lunch/dinner with her husband. Again, not normal stuff: Risky, drama creating, and no sense of self.

This all connects to my previous post on The BPD Man equating the constant tracking, monitoring, spying on to an actual “love” whereas My Sociopath did similar behaviors out of an angry need to find something wrong with the person.  Both The BPD Man and My Sociopath live one “train wreck” after another because they are both constantly looking for outside sources for a sense of inner completion.  However, My Sociopath was much more sinister, evil and controlled in his crazy-making strategies while The BPD man was much more exposed and appeared to be riding the edge of a breakdown.

Both these men told me that they can’t be alone. When one cannot find a sense of their own being…outside sources are then manipulated, abusively controlled, used for deceptive reasons and ultimately destroyed

Everything that I wrote previously and the elaboration here is not repeating BPD and Sociopath literature, but it is a combination of my reading other sources and pulling it all together with my first hand experiences with the attempt of making sense of it all.

Lynna, My Sociopath – Struck by A Sociopath

Advertisements

Author: My Sociopath

Oceanside, California

26 thoughts on “Sociopath and Borderline Personality Disorder, Part II”

  1. This article is a bit funny to me. Mainly because I’m a 19 year old female with BPD. Hell, if it wasn’t for the fact that I have spurts of emotions from time to time, I probably could be classed as a sociopath. I honestly never thought “googling” someone who was semi-interesting to me wasn’t normal. I thought all people did that.

    I have emotions, mostly anger and boredom. Yet I never could understand why people felt the way they did. A good example is I don’t understand why people feel empathy towards other people. Specially people that they have no connection with.

    Your article is semi correct. What I mean is from personal experience, BPD isn’t afraid of being alone it’s actually preferred sometimes. I have stints of extreme intensity with someone, then at the drop of the hat I won’t talk to them form anywhere between a couple of days to a few weeks.

    No offense, but your article seems a bit biased. Of course almost all articles are, humans shall be humans. As someone with BPD, you give off the impression that you think we are villains. I imagine that the way I can’t understand other peoples empathy is the way you can’t understand BPD logic. The generalizations you are using are not fair to people with either disorder. There are many people with either disorders that live happy, “normal”, fulfilling lives. There is such a bad stigma attached with BPD, I just wanted to express my views on it. Overall though, I like your writing style.

    Cheers,
    BPD-KID

    1. Hello BPD-KID,
      I never mean to put any group of people into the “villain” category. All humans are screwed up to one extent or the other. I write only my experiences, as all writers/bloggers do, and I happened to experience very destructive people with these disorders. However, I know for certain all Sociopaths are destructive or they wouldn’t be sociopaths. As far as what my experience has been with a person with BPD…I would say they are NOT systemic, covert destroyers and manipulators as are sociopaths. I feel people with BPD lash out thinking they are protecting themselves; Sociopaths are just plain creepy and evil. Now, a BPD that is Sociopathic, well that is another story; whew. Thank you for writing on here and contributing your side of the story. It is greatly appreciated.:) Lynna

  2. I am a married professor who taught English online to a young 25 year old male student. He had a lot of personal issues and would talk to me asking for ‘guidance’. I felt that things were getting too close and told him it would be better to stop having such personal discussions. He begged with me pleading, saying he had no friends and no where to go and that God had brought me into his life like an angel to be there for him as a ‘best friend’. I got hoovered in. I realize I am the one who made a bad decision here, believe me I do!! But as the months passed things turned sexually charged. I tried to break it off but it was so hard to get out of it emotionally. I had become addicted to his magical way of talking. I mean this young man said things I have never heard before. It put me in such a fog. I was crazy in love with him. After several attempts I broke it off. I always wondered why he persued me. I made sure that I told him early on, “You do realize I am married. You do realize I am 11 years older than you.” But he said he didn’t care. The ‘universe’ had brought us together and on he would go to the ends of the earth for me. He showered me with praise and attention that was intoxicating. I have eliminated him from my life, but he still stalks me online and has threated to visit me. My husband knows everything and he has been very tolerant and understanding. I am so glad that I never did any kind of kinky stuff online with him or that I never saw him in person although he really wanted to come and see me. The fact that he has a lot of money is kind of scary to me. I imagine with time he will lose interest in me. He always wanted to text or to see me via webcam when I could get discovered. All these things we did gave me so much anxiety because I was acting so deceitfully, but he would get off on it. He just couldn’t seem to get enough of me. It made me sick and I lost weight and my hair started to fall out from the stress. I am so glad that it is over. I certainly hope it is anyway, I am still afraid he will come ‘visit’ me one day. Thank you for your post. You explained EXACTLY how he was.

    PS. when he was in drug rehab he was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. I personally think he is borderline. He took drugs from 12-19 years of age. He has rages and has gotten into fights. He would fight others with knives in the past. He claims he has NO friends and lives his life at work and in his apartment alone. He rages at his employees and makes grown men cry. He CLAIMED I had changed him. I think that has to be impossible.

    1. Blondie, be thankful, like you mentioned, that things didn’t get more out of control. You did a good job by cutting things off when you did. And so similar to so many of us that get involved in this, we do become physically sick because of the stress. I had to start working on my health because I was too physically sick to get my mind back under control. Working out with weights made me healthier and it empowered me too.:) Lynna

  3. This is a good blog, which I just found. I was tracked, monitored, stalked from the moment I moved in with him. Had accounts accessed, made to feel I was going crazy though I knew I wasn’t. Its debilitating but keeping above it and a step ahead, seeing the signs keeps you aware of what they’re scheming and planning. Bizare behaviour and scary. I can’t believe my friends listened to him when he just lies incessantly even over the smallest of things. They try to syphon as much info out of you while keeping their own life under lock and key. Its all to turn it on you later. They’re vile.

    1. Charlie, great comment and so true, “They try to syphon as much info out of you while keeping their own life under lock and key. Its all to turn it on you later.” I’m sorry you had to go through this too. It’s beyond words what they put us through. The worse part is they go undetected and in the meantime, we look crazy. It’s such a scary illusion they create and they get away with it! Lynna

  4. Thanks so much for keeping this blog! I just ended a relationship and it really helps to read this and see that those crazy behavior traits are in fact signs I was dealing with a sociopath. Scary how easy it is to get sucked in to their twisted webs!

    1. Hi A,
      Thank you for being here, though, I’m sorry for the reason. I’m shocked to this day on how I fell for the nonsense, and repeatedly! I beat myself up a lot for the wrong choices I made, but now I’m using my lessons learned for good.:) The only way I know how to deal with the aftermath…”Do Good in The World.”
      Sorry, it took me so long to respond, have been diligently working on so many other projects.
      Lynna

  5. I lived with a woman with what I know is sociapath an has treated me every way I have. Read of an study.I’m tryin to stay away but I know leapard don’t change their spots.she is been caught with 5men I have found.I need to know how to bring this out in the open.I’m very strong now but I need way an answer an help to do this.I’m tryin to do this on my own.can someone help me or something in this matter.

    1. Hi Wishbone,
      I’ve been working a lot over on my facebook page talking to people one-on-one on tips to recovery. I get a lot of private messages over there and it is easier and quicker to respond to than this blog. I hope you found me over there: Facebook, My Sociopath – Struck by A Sociopath.
      I’m sorry it took me so long to get back over here…so many have found me over there and I’ve been wrapped up in so many other projects regarding abusive relationships.
      Hope you are okay.:)
      Lynna

  6. Nice reading about you Lynna

    Thanks for visiting my blog. Be in touch. Browse through the category sections, I feel you may find something of your interest.

  7. not necessarily. my psychopath (yes, he attempted to murder me) encouraged me to see other men so then he could “punish” me without my knowing (by poisoning me). he insisted he wasn’t a jealous person and liked the idea of an open relationship, but secretly he was raging.

    1. Hi Ashley: Yes, I slightly hit upon this aspect on one of my postings and most recently on facebook. Some Sociopaths evolve into this (allowing another sexual partner for his woman)
      once we are totally disregarded, thrown away or turned into “Mommy.”

      Once we turn into “Mommy,” yet we choose to stay with him and fulfill this role of caretaker (perhaps we don’t want to leave him and start over, or stay just for convenience)…he may not pay attention to the fact that we are seeing another man. And that is mostly true too, because we are “mommy” and he is off with another idealized sexual figure, is distracted and no longer views us as any form of a real woman.

      This is not the case with My Sociopath: He could treat his current live-in woman as typical “mommy” and “slave,” he could go off and screw anything that will allow him (they have no standards), but if his at home “mommy/slave” dare look at another man,,,she is then cruelly tortured with even more lies, games, tactics to exploit her money, etc.

      I wrote about us turning into “mommy” over on facebook, it is the most recent posting…I can’t figure out this blog enough to do a real link, you might have to copy/paste to address bar, sorry:

      https://www.facebook.com/pages/My-Sociopath-Struck-by-A-Sociopath/328885733865893?ref=hl

  8. I think that the big difference between SP and BP is the age of breaking the line with growing up normally. In BP’s there has never been a good bonding between parent and child from an early age. SP’s have a normal toddlerhood but are never corrected and can get away with everything, being put on a pedestal all the time by one or more of their upbringers.
    But there can be a gray zone and overlap between both if bonding worked partially and/or ‘getting away with everything’ was done by only one parent.
    In some neighborhoods in Brussels, a lot (let’s not exagerate 200 in absolute figures perhaps) of firstborn boys are treated like they can do everything and the girls have to follow all the rules. These boys will later always see mothers, sisters and wives as those who will have to behave while they can do anything and still get away with it.
    Borderliners are brought up by negligent parents (drunk or stoned) or absent caretakers in orphanage like situations. ‘Nobody loves me’, clinging and ‘tantrums’ when things go wrong. A BP is not a narcissist, it is a survivor.

    1. very interesting Whoisbert:

      My Sociopath was born raised in Turkey and yes, same attitude regarding males vs. females. However, he now has a hatred toward his mother and sister…yet they are the ones that coddled his dysfunction??? I talked to another source and they explained why Sociopaths hate their mothers (but it appears like love and the sociopath tries to convince himself it is love too) and I would like to some day write about that…I don’t know if you know about this dichotomy?

      Regarding The BPD Man, yes again! He talked very strangely about his mother and the dynamics of his childhood when it came to her. I had few dealings with him…he was more of an acquaintance and I am struggling to remember his little “stories” but if I recall…she was into placing priorities more upon the “boyfriend” or new husband, or someone like that…but it matches exactly what you wrote! She came across very self-absorbed.

      I learned through all this: It all goes back to the mother! Not the father…the mother, but some screwed up people mistakenly blame the father because they are fearful of delving into the deep and disturbing emotions connected to the mother.

      I was confused if all BPD’s are Narcissist (someone told me this and I questioned it)?I knew that all Sociopaths are Narcissist but I didn’t get a lot of Narcissism feel from The BPD Man. He was riding the edge of extreme insecurity and instability and not able to ground himself.

      He was looking to a deceptive and strange married woman, that was using him as a diversion from her miserable life, as his source of connection with an outside source and thinking of her as his “soul mate.” It was strange…BPD Man and this strange married woman are in their mid and late 50’s!

      BPD Man got kicks out of deceiving her husband and acting as if he were the “winner” in “The Game.” BPD Man and the married woman got kicks from him texting her when she was at dinner with her husband…the married woman allowing bpd man to gps track her and her husband on vacation. What kind of man and woman play cruel games like this, yet BPD Man thought it was “love”…

      This is the craziest thing that I’ve ever written: But I can’t imagine My Sociopath stooping to that level! Oh no, I just came to an understanding between a Sociopath and BPD in a round about weird way…!

      Thank you for always adding such an interesting take to all this…I’m sorry I don’t interact as much on the blog as I should. I’m trying to break away from facebook more, and focus here instead. Do you have a facebook for your new business? Congratulations by the way!

      Lynna

      1. I do not have a new business, but I guest post as co-author at ‘yourlifesolutions’ and at ‘meandian’.
        For the moment I don’t have a facebook account. It looks too much like the real world without the possibility of avoiding certain ‘ogres’.

      2. agree about facebook. It’s easier for me to quickly interact over there…but I notice how it sucks so many people dry and useless (not living a real life) and as a result people are wasting away their lives on it and mistaking it for a life lived…the “like” button is just stupidness to me and how many of us feel pressured that we have to press it when someone post a picture of themselves…ugh.

        I monitor my involvement on the internet…I don’t google people, spy on people…I rarely check my “stats” on facebook. I engage with all sort of people in real life, and never google them. I want to develop my own judgement. Now if there were ever to be a money/business exchange perhaps I would google them…but no need when the relationship is casual.

        I thought “yourlifesolutions” was yours? I will go and check out “meandian.” : )

    2. WhoisBert (again),,,

      I keep going over what you wrote: “Borderliners are brought up by negligent parents (drunk or stoned) or absent caretakers in orphanage like situations. ‘Nobody loves me’, clinging and ‘tantrums’ when things go wrong. A BP is not a narcissist, it is a survivor.”

      especially the “clinging,” “tantrums,” and “survivor” part: BPD Man was living separate from his wife, involved with a married woman…yet when the married woman (not the wife, I’m assuming she was sick of him and had nothing to do with him) let him down or wouldn’t meet up with him as he expected…he tried to capture and use me.

      When the married woman gave him what he wanted (visits, attention, whatever), he then started some weird drama with me.

      Exactly what you describe: clinging, tantrums, and operating in primitive survival mode!

      I read through your new webpage and your focus in organization and life coaching: ), how do you know so much about this?

      Lynna

      1. … ‘how do you know so much about this’ …

        Trying to find a truth about myself 10 years ago, I read a lot of spiritual and psychology literature. This gave me some insight in myself, and sometimes in the world around me.

        we are our past experiences. Growth never stops but in most individuals it never passes the stage reached at age 23/25. Before that age we go through many stages. Any stage has the risk of not being fully completed implicating ‘problems’ at the incomplete level.
        So many people with an emotional or mental problem forgot to learn one or the other lesson during childhood or later.

        These days I see that seeking that knowledge has come to an end. My ‘map’ of self and society is just a map, and can only be valid to make generalized statements. But every individual is different and not mappable.

        Seeing the inaccuracies in mind, perception and feelings, that make us angry or fearful animals, and sometimes the opposite, and knowing that i’m just that. A fearful animal trying to survive with complicated tricks. Perhaps less nasty in appearance than the narcissist, but still trying to be loved …

        … perhaps there is a level beyond the mental mind, the realm of Silence, where all this strive becomes unnecessary. But that level cannot be known, it can only be experienced when mind becomes silent by itself, without an effort trying to silence it. Such moments are called awe.

      2. well put. I started recognizing people’s stop in development as well…but I put the average person in society around 16-18 years old? Do you believe it is as old as 23-25?

        And people with Personality Disorders, My Sociopath and BPD Man stop around age 7.

        My Sociopath: constant lies, manipulations, tricks, games, everyone is here to service him and his out-of-control basic needs for love via pats on the back, repeating to him “what a great job, you are the best, no one is greater than you, constantly cooking for him/feeding him, taking care of his laundry/home…being “mommy.”

        BPD Man: riding the emotional edge of dropping of a cliff at “love me” or else I will have a fit and tantrum (as you mentioned in your previous response)…I need to constantly spy on you, monitor and track you or else I will lose site of you and you will lose site of me…therefore, we are not in “love.”

        If my wife doesn’t give me what I want, I will get a married girlfriend that will be my “soul mate” (certain distance and illusion can be maintained with a married “soul mate”), if she doesn’t give me what I need, I will pull a 3rd person into the mix.

        Both: I am easily bored, need drama to stimulate myself into feeling alive, can’t survive on my own, am not grounded into myself but need an outside source to relieve my inner sense of disconnect and discomfort…

      3. I’m sure a lot of people stop evolving at the age of 16-18, but the human brain is still unfinished by then. Physically it reaches maturity around 23.
        Although I never made good friends at college, I noticed that my high school friends from before really changed after high school, and not only superficially. But then,once 23, for most of us, it really is finished. Only meditation or existential crises can bring us further up the line (and then this is not physically – perhaps only conceptually)

        I also want to nuance that BP stops at 3 and narcissist at 5/6. It is only one trait of the spectrum that gets deformed. But unfortunately, many other traits might remain underdeveloped because of this.
        I know some narcissist in my family and work place, but they are not the hardliner sociopath. More than narcissism alone is needed. The same is true for BP. A lot of borderliners lead quasi normal lives, and then a lot of them do not. I suppose there is a degree of severity in each deformed trait, and there is also the amount of deformed traits that bring the total image to a disorder, or psychopathy/socipathy in stead of something one could live with and work on..

    1. Thank you. I feel like so few of us can figure out the difference between Sociopath, Narcissism, and Borderline. They all blur together and some people have a combination…if not all 3!

      To this day, I can’t figure out the difference between Narcissism as opposed to Sociopath and BPD (even though I keep reading different sources). Supposedly all Sociopaths and BPD’s have Narcissism…but Narcissism is not the image of the guy/girl staring in the mirror as we all were taught. Uhg.

      Lynna

Please share your thoughts....

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s