The Destruction of your Social Circle by the Sociopath

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A Sociopath must control all aspects of your being. This means he must control your friends, acquaintances, and family.

Why would a Sociopath want to control your social environment? To leave you isolated, dependent and relying upon him only, and despondent and left alone when his crazy-making starts so that you have few support lines to grab onto. 

This also keeps his Sociopath Mask hanging on by a string when the mask begins to slip off, or when things fall apart for him in yet another relationship: “It’s her, not me. Her family hates her, she has no friends, no one likes her.”

I lived in peace in my condo before MS (My Sociopath, Kenan Umit) and when he moved in with me, everything fell apart.

I would catch him in a lie, he would lie on top of that lie, I would question him further, he would dramatically run out of my condo with head lowered, hunched over, tugging at the few strands of his bald head and inevitably would run into a neighbor and proceed to act confused and exasperated.

My neighbor would be forced to ask what happened (well there was no choice, a bumbling, drama-queen idiot was standing there) and he would of course turn it around on me and act defeated: “I can’t win, I work so hard, I try so hard” (I’m a victim, have pity upon me)…and of course never mentioning anything about his getting caught in yet another lie and act of destruction.  A normal person may have muttered: “I messed up, I’m such an idiot.”

MS single-handedly destroyed the entire mood of my neighborhood with his dramatic victimization dance.

Later, my smart neighbors would question my “sanity” for marrying an “old creep.” I wish he were just an old creep; much easier to deal with than a Sociopath.

In addition, a Sociopath will destroy your community network.

I worked in and out of various animal rights/rescue groups my entire adult life. I had no enemies. MS infiltrated this group by offering some of these people extreme favors (he’s a handyman/electronic repair man). Every time I caught him in another trick, he would call one of these people and do his injured cry of defeat.

I was shocked and mortified. My animal rescue network! I pleaded with him: “I’ve worked with these people for years, we WORK together and that is all, these people know nothing of my personal life, please don’t call these people.” He would do it again, and again…

A Sociopath will win the love of your family and tell everyone that your family hates you. 

I hadn’t seen my mother in 3-years and hadn’t had a vacation in that long either and my physical health was depleted because of MS’s constant crazy-making. I finally get to go see my mother and of course MS had to tag along. We spent 8 days with my mother but I barely saw her: MS kept us working and doing home repairs the entire time. When we weren’t working, MS was snooping on my mother’s computer while lying to her that he was “fixing it.” (MS is a proud hacker). Of course, I was delighted in the fact that so much work got done for my mother, but confused on why I left “vacation” more exhausted than ever before and my mother and I never had any alone time.

I had no idea what would become of my mother’s home repairs until divorcing MS. MS told everyone that my mother hated me and loved him.  But according to MS, everyone of his exes had mothers and families that hated them. MS called my mother during our separation and begged her to “take my side.” Long after our divorce, MS called me to ask: “does your mother still love him?” This literally made my mouth drop open. This is a failed attempt at team-building and the smear campaign wrapped up in one.

Living with and divorcing/separating from a Sociopath is like a war. Look into the past history of your Sociopath: He will always have horrible and crazy relationships and especially the ending of these relationships, will be like an all out war. In any war, there are casualties and some friends, family members and acquaintances may be lost. This is a small price to pay for freedom and eventually peace from your Sociopath.

After any battle, you must retreat.  MS caused complete destruction in every aspect of my life (financially, physically, emotionally, socially). I withdrew, licked my wounds and did not chase anyone that MS tried to taint against me. I played it cool. Within a year, almost every person returned to me and said something similar to this: “We’ve been watching you since you left him, you are so much happier, always so friendly and smiling…we realize now that he is crazy.” 

This is redeeming and it feels good, but I didn’t need it. I went on to make new friends, build new social circles, and create a new life for myself. It was hard work but that is the price of being in a war: You must recreate yourself; you must rebuild. 

Lynna, My Sociopath-Struck by a Sociopath

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Author: My Sociopath

Oceanside, California

4 thoughts on “The Destruction of your Social Circle by the Sociopath”

  1. Thank you so much for writing this, your words of wisdom have been invaluable to me. I haven’t been in a romantic relationship with a sociopath [or narc or borderline, not sure which] but one of my new best friends is one and has violently assaulted me, abused me and stolen from me. I am trying to remove them from my life but it’s difficult as she is firmly entrenched in my social circle and has a toehold in several others that I move in. I am going to follow your footsteps and not chase those she has tried to taint against me [there’s only really one or two people that will believe her over me]. Fortunately I have a lot of other friends who she doesn’t have much access to who I have not spent much time with as I’d like so I’m cultivating those friendships and hanging out more with folks who are friends but not my “main circle”. Her enabler is leaving next year and she is going to move on to the next town [her 9th] and I won’t see her again after that. In the meantime I keep my emotional distance and if I have to I am perfectly polite and cordial with her for the few seconds it takes me to politely excuse myself if I do bump into her at social gatherings. I don’t feel any desire for revenge against her but I find her very creepy and scarey.

    I only hope she doesn’t try to take revenge on me when she finds out that she’s lost all power over me. If you have any advice for me in this regard I’d like to hear it.

    1. Hi Jose, I’m sorry this happened to you. Yes, it is uncanny how they destroy our social surroundings and you will discover, quickly, who the enablers of a sociopath/narc are and who are truly good, thinking people.
      Sociopaths always seek revenge. Sorry, do not mean to scare you. But if she is indeed a sociopath (narcissist and bpd’s are a bit less vengeful than sociopaths; so, hope she is not a sociopath), they never leave their former victims alone. Please watch yourself online and don’t advertise everything what you do and who you do it with. I keep my job(s) hidden and who I know hidden. Sociopaths will sabotage your job and will attempt to infiltrate you new/former social group by telling lies about you. I lay very low on Facebook (no real personal page) and have only this blog and my facebook page on sociopaths displayed on the internet.

      But, I never talk about my personal life on any of these. I never upload pictures of myself, what I am doing, and who I’m with. I’ve gotten used to living below the “internet radar” by doing this…and a good benefit of maintaining a low-key online personal display, I also avoid a lot of the other crazy stuff that happens between people (non-sociopath related) who are constantly broadcasting all their business online.:)

      The less information you give to a sociopath, the less harm they can cause you. But, like mentioned, if she is BPD or Narcissist, sometimes people with these disorders, live too chaotically in their current life that they are too disorganized to go back and seek revenge on an old target. We can hope she is not a full-blown Sociopath.:) Lynna

  2. Good morning,

    I’m Russ. I just happened on your site and am glad I did. I am going to read, in depth all of your posts. The more that I write about being involved with a sociopath over the long term the more commonalities I see. While the names, gender and places may be different the situations are always (at the core) the same.

    I am dealing with extensive damage, psychological, financial and emotional. My sociopath made it very clear that he wanted me dead. His presence in my life caused extreme stress which in turn caused extreme physicall illness.

    I have had to come to the realization that I will never be free from the terrible problems he caused. I am facing my biggest challenge of all now, I need a transplant and am fighting this battle alone. I always thought after 22 years with someone that they would be there in the tough times, he is not. It was not “all about him” and interrupted his need to be the center of everything.

    His mask was also falling off, he had conned all the people he could con in Indiana, there was nothing left for him to do but flee or face the consequences. But as usual, he wove a tale, a tale that will serve him for a time until the mask fades again.

    I look forward to comparing notes with you.

    1. Russ: Thank you for being here but sorry for the reason. You wrote: I always thought after 22 years with someone that they would be there in the tough times, he is not. It was not “all about him” and interrupted his need to be the center of everything.

      So sad and so true. A Sociopath has no loyalty what so ever, and will only be with you if you are of benefit (money, sex, hard worker, improves his status). As soon as you are depleted, the sociopath is gone.

      This is no reflection on you but only on him. This takes nothing from the great person you are. He will always be in chaos, you can find peace and happiness again. This is a time to rebuild yourself. Don’t let him ruin you, then he has won.

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