Why is the current or past target of a Sociopath always “Bi-polar?”


Paula of “Escaping the Boy: My Life with a Sociopath”  brought up this topic and it got me thinking. Most of us involved in an abusive relationship (past or present), was called “crazy” and then we were the “crazy ex” and often times, the “bi-polar” word is attached to our “craziness.” But why aren’t we “Schizophrenic” or “Manic” or even “Histrionic?”  Most Sociopath’s use the “bi-polar” word to describe their “crazy ex” and their resulting “victimization” because of the “crazy ex.”

I came up with what I believe are some answers:

1. Bi-polar is hard to prove or disprove to the casual observer.  Anyone can be bi-polar and it is often hidden behind closed doors.

Regarding a mental illness such as Schizophrenia…now that’s out there!  I have a cousin with Schizophrenia and he rattles off about gps chips planted in his skin; his food being poisoned by the CIA because his high IQ threatens the whole “system;” his t.v. having an inner camera where the government is monitoring him.  There is usually little mistaking a person with Schizophrenia.

Everyone has typical “mood swings” but do many of us have delusions or  hear voices?

Plus, who even knows what “Histrionic” is?  Most everyone thinks “bi-polar,” ahhh, “mood swings.”  When I think of “Histrionic,” I think of an overly sexualized, scantily clad, manipulative woman. If a Sociopath were to call us “Histrionic,” not only would that require more creativity but it would be a “cool” thing for him! It wouldn’t confirm his “victimization” at the hands of a “bi-polar” with crazy ups and downs, but may imply that he’s getting a lot of sex. (all funniness aside, Sociopaths are too dumb to even use the “Histrionic” word against us when “Bi-polar” is so generic and elementary).

2.  A Sociopath’s (or any abusive partner) tricks, games, and deceptions make us appear bi-polar.

I recently detailed the “David” ordeal created by My Sociopath (MS, Kenan Umit). To briefly summarize (will then add to it and how it relates to this topic):

MS secretly deleted most of my phone and email contacts. I was to be isolated onto him only. Sociopaths are extremely insecure and therefore must control all aspects of your life and individuality. My mother called from Ohio during a violent freezing hailstorm that was ripping her home apart. She asked me for the phone number of “David,” our family handyman. My mom couldn’t locate the number in her panic and since I grew up with David, I had it.

I went to pull David’s number from my phone, it was gone. I went to get his contact from my email account, it was gone. My mother was crying on the phone. I soon realized that MS deleted most all of my contacts and during this panic (mine and my mother’s on the phone), MS stood back in a corner watching me with his cold, eerie dead face, and vacant stare as I begged him to tell me what happened to David’s contact information.

MS denied deleting my contacts, called me “crazy” and stood like a monster as my mother cried on the phone and I was in a state of confusion of all my missing contacts. (MS later admitted he deleted most all my contacts).

During all this, a worker walked into our business. MS immediately took on this facade of shyness, meekness, victimization, confusion and overall bewilderment on what was happening, on what I was going through. He rolled his eye in a state of despair toward the worker in regards to my panic, and became a little beaten boy in the corner with slumped shoulders and diverted eyes.

When we are “gaslighted” (definition of “gaslighting” from Wikipedia at bottom) or covertly sabotaged by a Sociopath, our biological system goes into a state of panic. To those people that didn’t see what happened leading up to our panic and walk in seeing only our state of confusion and despair, and witness the Sociopath standing eerily calm and emotionless…it is easy  to fall into the Sociopath’s trap of the smear campaign: “she’s crazy, bi-polar.”

How many times have you yourself heard: “He/she’s bi-polar” and you think nothing of it? Throwing out “bi-polar” against anyone is an easy escape and an unquestionable way for the Sociopath to appear like the “victim.”

Lynna, My Sociopath – Struck by A Sociopath

Gaslighting is a form of mental abuse in which false information is presented with the intent of making a victim doubt his or her own memoryperception andsanity.[1] Instances may range simply from the denial by an abuser that previous abusive incidents ever occurred, up to the staging of bizarre events by the abuser with the intention of disorienting the victim. (Wikipedia)


image source found on: defeatdespair.wordress.com


Author: My Sociopath

Oceanside, California

26 thoughts on “Why is the current or past target of a Sociopath always “Bi-polar?””

  1. Oh, my…that individual certainly seems like a tough one to live with. One thing, though. I (being a sociopath myself) must say that all sociopaths are not “dumb” and the fact that you experienced an abusive relationship at the hands of such an individual should not mean that you should assume every sociopath is exactly the same. I actually use the word “histrionic” more than I use the word “bi-polar” because I believe that bi-polar is a catch-all illness while histrionic personality disorder is generally recognized by excessive attention seeking behaviors and the constant need to be in the spotlight (it’s actually more of an “insult” than calling a person bi-polar, in my opinion). I am currently studying psychology and will one day soon be a certified psychologist – yes – a sociopath is delving into the world of psychology. So, while it must be terrible for you (having actual feelings like you do), you simply can’t categorize all of us under the same label. We’re people too, you know.

    Also, by putting a group of people down like you seem to be doing in this post, you are no better than your sociopath. Is that not the same thing the sociopath tried to do to you?

    1. I recently have been a victim of a sociopathic woman who used the emotion of mourning to manipulate a situation 12 years ago. The emotion of death to manipulate her own kids and to regain my trust and have her charm her way back into my life. Two years later she used the emotion of death to manipulate me and my husband after his mother passed away. She is a social worker in a nursing home facility. You are just as sick as she is. What is your intentions in becoming a psychologist you sick twisted individual….to abuse more people prey on their weakness…but only use them as guinea pigs for further manipulation of others?????? WTF. Yeah this woman I am talking about is “helping ” people deal with their own impending deaths”. Probably fucking with their heads on their way out…….using it as a learning curve to manipulate. You should not be in the profession you are in,,,,, You need to get help!!!!!!!!

    2. Most if not all sociopaths leave a trail of destruction, hurt and human misery behind them while blaming the victims. So I am putting down sociopaths. They are very bad, very evil people who don’t care about anyone but themselves.

      1. oh definitely, Lisa. All sociopaths leave a trail of destruction. They are devils walking amongst us. Actually, worse than devils. Devils we can spot. Sociopaths stay hidden from sight. The only thing that is noticeable is the chaos surrounding them.

  2. oh no Paula this blew me away. I don’t keep up with celebrities (I have a hard enough time keeping up with sociopaths, hehe!) CZJ is now bipolar? Oh good grief!

    You are right, this topic is so in-depth: people showing signs of or developing bipolar or other mental health issues because of their abusive environment: yet, the cause is not traced back to source and they are considered “crazy.” We haven’t even cut through the surface of these dynamics!

  3. Anything outside of bi-polar would require research of epic proportions, kinda like the research we do to recover only to learn we’re not bi-polar. Since they’re lazy and this would involve their having to invest some amount of time on something that does not involve them, Bi-POLAR it is! Ten seconds tops on tv and they learn all they need to learn in order to label you. Really I think it’s that simple…they label us bi-polar because well, it’s EASY!

    1. oh yes Bettylaluna! Bi-polar is super easy to label someone with. I acted bi-polar the entire reading of “Jane Eyre” and you should have seen me during during the movie! I was bi-polar with some histrionic added in! Hehe.

  4. Mine did the exact same thing. He actually looked it up on the computer in the office and said, in a triumphant voice, “biiii…polar!!” It was right after something he had done or said upset me. Well, of course it upset me…he’s a sociopath!

    He also gaslighted me (now that I know what that means, and have reviewed the description and pattern, and how it impacts the victim) and then, my favorite, proceeded to use my purported illness as a means to smear me even before my contracted time there was up. I was “making [my]self sick with the work.” Um, no, he was MAKING me sick! But then he would come in and caretake, which of course confused the source of my illness.

    At the end of my time there, the overall manager came up to me, prior to speaking to me for the last time, and said, with a flourish and (actual) feeling…”and BE well.” I can’t tell you how many people have told me to “be well,” and not just as something one says. It’s not common for people to say in closing to things, and certainly not all of the people the sociopath could (and did) smear me to.

    1. Definitely! The Sociopath makes us very sick. We are in a constant state of stress and confusion, chronic fight or flight…our bodies break down. Everything is a trick, a deceit, twist of our words, turning people against us…
      My Sociopath and I had a business together. All the customers, workers, local towns people would initially love me. In every case, these people would then all of a sudden start acting coldly toward me.

      It took dozens of these strange occurrences for me to finally catch on and in shock upon this realization, I exclaimed: Oh my god, are you saying weird things about me to people? Of course he lied. I soon started asking people: Is he saying something to you about me? I would get these strange nods and in many cases get a pleading whisper to “get away from him.”

      We are in a constant state of panic and confusion…it’s unbelievable stuff and we just can’t wrap our brains around it.
      After 3-years, I finally said to him (I still didn’t understand the sabotaging): I feel like I’m living on the front lines. I never know what’s going to hit me and when. He just stared at me with cold, dead eyes…like a monster.

      We are destroyed by a monster…a monster that plays nice to outside viewers and secretly strikes us down to destroy us.

      It is so important to take care of your health now. That needs to be first priority: )


    2. Anonymous,I have multiple sclerosis,I am in no way disabled. Mine took the symptoms of MS to his job to show everyone…so they could see what a good guy he was for being with me. One time,he tried to kill himself,when he was in the hospital and came around after being out for 2 days,the social worker came in and asked him why he wanted to kill himself,he said “my girl has ms” Than….the day he discarded me….He was supposed to attend some fancy charity,and I saw the email he constructed as to why he didn’t attend…”hi bob,sorry I missed your gala,zoey was at home sick,ya know she has MS,so I couldn’t make it” He exploited Multiple Sclerosis! who does thatW

      1. Hi,

        Very typical sociopath behavior. They are cowards and use other people as excuses to get out of things and responsibilities. A normal person would say something like, “Sorry, but can’t go because I have too much to do…” (along those lines), but a Sociopath cannot communicate normally and they are afraid of losing their enablers or support “friends,” so they blame others for being flaky.

        A sociopath’s social group is very fragile, they don’t develop real, true emotional connections, everyone is a sociopath’s social group is hanging on by a thread, or very superficial relationships, so when they don’t want to attend a social function, they blame others so they look like a “good, guy victim.”

        Yes, MS would be a great excuse for a sociopath…He looks like a “loving, devoted, caretaker” and plus he has an excuse when he is flaky and irresponsible.


  5. My Spath always spoke highly of me or not at all so,he just kept me in the shadows & treated me like his mistress.
    I was the ‘spare’ just used for supply etc…
    Even though he kept me thinking I was more & he eluded too more to keep me as his possession.
    He told me all the time I was his possession & that no other man would have me.
    I didn’t take it literally just thought he valued me. He coveted me & I felt special. A word he used to his advantage a lot.
    He obviously wasn’t finished with me but,he was exposed by the OW.
    Otherwise I would probably still be in the game.
    I am grateful for the freedom but, unfortunately didn’t find the posts before I had tried to expose his duplicitous life & despicable games.
    Everytime I got close to suspecting, he would change up the game & bring me back into it with followers & enablers assisting him.
    He works two jobs & one is shift work in the Fire Dept so, he was always taking extra shifts but, I know now that wasn’t the case, just the perception. He also saw me & the others whilst on shift so,he got his supply when he could!
    He was always saying he needed to spend more time with me & would soon but,it never eventuated & 10 long protracted years of abuse rolled past,but it was like groundhog day & he would repeat the textbook gaslighting me over & over from love- bombing,then gaming,ruining then close to discard then start all over again 😦
    When I realised what this monster had been doing stringing me on for years, I made myself look like I was indeed the revengeful woman & crazy :0(
    I was also being undermined & led into the whole mess by the OW who then changed tack & stopped fueling my anger by extracting & exchanging information that proved he was a Sociopath.
    I thought we were in it together to give him his comeuppance but, his power over her was in full swing (she lived with him).
    So I was just left hanging,abandoned & I had to gather myself & I am in recovery stage like an addict because that’s what I had become!
    Thankfully I have found Paula (am reading your book at the moment ;0) & Positiva & all the online support so,I don’t feel alone….
    Just wish I’d read the NC etc…before but,oops too late & then the real monster behind the mask emerged & couldn’t care less. Just told me to move on, that he didn’t love me (ouch) & that he considered himself single & could do what he wants! Just Charming….said he appreciated everything I did for him & all his actions were genuine???? What a hero!

    1. I’m so sorry this happened to you. What you write is typical. These guys have to cheat. They are empty on the inside and the only way they get their energy is by sucking it off of a source that will feed their ego and fill their deep seated loneliness. I can spend the entire day (even week) by myself and be in complete bliss. These guys can’t do this because they are mere shadows of a human.

      Yes, they convince us that they are the best thing for us, and we will never find another partner and be forever lonely. They overindulge us in the beginning to win us, they know the game, how to pull someone in completely and they pull out all the tricks. My sociopath was not attractive at all, he was much older than me, short, fat, bald…how do the unattractive sociopath capture and then confine a woman? They overindulge us and make us believe they are simply the best.

      I too wish I knew about No Contact (NC). My Sociopath broke into my home months after the divorce filing and if he found me sitting there, he would pull my measly dinner out of my hand, flop down and eat it. I just sat in smiled. I didn’t know what the hell was going on. I didn’t even know what a sociopath was until months after our separation but that is typical for most of us. How the hell could we understand this stuff. It’s not even human.

      I am in “recovery” as well: healthy diet, lots of exercise, went from a yoga student to a yoga teacher (got my certification), lots of writing, no alcohol, Gaiam Tv (all spiritual programing and yoga)…I hope your recovery includes taking care of the physical. Because we can turn and turn around in our mind all day long about what happened to us,, but we don’t get better unless we feel good about ourselves and are happy with our bodies.
      Sociopaths make us very sick and our bodies pay the price.


      1. You are wrong. A sociopath is an extreme form of ASPD (anti social personality disorder). I am a BPD with sociopathic tendencies and I do not care to target another individual. I do not chameleon often and I have a very strong personality. I stand out. However, I spend most of my time alone. Like a typical BPD, I have severe trust issues and do not get close to anyone (however I manipulate them often into letting them think I am close). I have superficial relationships, yes, and I am guilty of not taking responsibility for my mistakes (something I am learning to do with DBT therapy), but a socio, at least one like myself, simply is too apathetic to give a damn about anyone, I have even befriended a sociopath who was able to target me and alienate me, and I simply didn’t care enough to get back at her, even though the thought of her makes me boil with rage. Psychopaths with narcissistic tendencies are more animalistic in nature – the only man I think I truly loved sounds eerily similar to your experience – he seemed to be a succubus from one woman to the next – but I argue again, that is far more psychopathic than sociopathic. When comparing borderline and sociopath also, I noticed you said you did not implant your emotions into your “research” but your entire website is based off episodic memory and therefore is autobiographical and thus tainted with bias. I wish you luck in your recovery, but quit slandering people with personality disorders into one big lump: we are human too. We differ from one another just as your self entitled “caring normal people” labels do. I believe every one of us has a slight personality disorder and deviance – there are very few people I have come accross in my life who are not self serving and are truly genuine. Also – do not forget – sociopaths and borderline – especially borderline – are often triggered by environmental factors such as parents who were too absent or others who treated us cruelly. Not an excuse, not emotional bias – simply part of the diagnostic criteria.

    1. I’m the same, anyone that believes his garbage is crazy and I just laugh now. I love your name Girl for Animal Liberation. I’ve organized animal rescue projects all over SoCalif and in Turkey. I flip back and forth between Vegetarian and Vegan and have been doing Vegan for the 8 months or so.
      I’m to the point that I don’t trust people who don’t have pets or don’t try to care for the animals in some way…I soon find out they are nut jobs!

      1. My dad, who hails from the old country (Italy) used to say the same thing, “Never trust a person who doesn’t like animals.” and I have to agree. Rescuing animals feels good and not just for the obvious reasons. I feel it creates such positive energy. Those of us who fight for the voiceless have to band together as our voices are often drowned out by those who don’t care.

        Congrats on being a vegan for 8 months… There are so many great Vegan Bloggers on WordPress that I find I don’t have enough time to keep up with them all. 🙂

      2. Thank you. Actually, I went vegan/raw food at one time for 5 years. I couldn’t digest and actually gained weight!

        Also loving Animals is a socially acceptable way of attracting people (good people love animals). Sociopaths know this and will exploit this. My Sociopath is a proclaimed animal lover but when I would catch him in a lie and trouble would explode, he would threaten to kill my dogs. He would constantly tease and aggravate my dogs against all my pleadings.

        But when I went to an animal right’s protest, he had to go with me, made me take a bunch of pix of him, and then posted those pix on facebook to attract women when we broke up.

      3. What a piece of work!

        My Ex claims to be an animal lover too. While we were married we had 7 cats. After our divorced I took 5 and he kept 2 (one of the 2 is older and has a heart condition). This past April I found out my Ex moved out of the house we shaed together and in with his girlfriend and left both cats behind, in the care of my brother who was only stopping to see them in the AM and PM for their feedings, otherwise the cats were on their own. Well one of two cats is named Seti — My Ex and I had adopted him together. Turns out Seti has a heart condition that requires meds. When I asked my brother if he was giving Seti his meds, my brother said, “I don’t know anything about any medication!” The other cat, Henry, is a feral cat I rehabilitated. Once I learned my Ex had abandoned the cats in the care of my brother, I immediately went to and took Seti and brought him home to live with me. I was unable to catch Henry the feral. A couple of weeks after I took Seti, I found out my Ex gave Henry away.

        For someone who claimed to be an animal lover and lover of cats, my Ex sure has a funny way of showing it. Evidently his new wife doesn’t care for cats and she has a dog so it shouldn’t have come as any surprise he gave up the two cats. No animal lover would do that, at least I don’t think so. I mean, I would never give up my cats for anyone – never!

        In any event, Seti is happy back living with me and he seems really happy to be back living with the other cats. My Ex is a real piece of shit and I pray that what goes around comes around and he bill will come due!

      4. yes, it’s all “surface love” for animals. My ex would leave his cats outside to get eaten by coyotes, leave dirty water in their dishes for days, pass them over to a “new home” in a minute if a woman (next target) came along and requested them to do so….

        You are right: I would never give up an animal no matter what *dick* (sorry, guys out there) came along and asked me to do it.

        I’m glad all the kitties made it out alive: )

  6. Reblogged this on Paula's Pontifications and commented:
    Oh, boy! The good ol’ ‘bi-polar’ claim. These fools are tiresome and predictable and have every reason to be insecure, because they really have nothing to offer anyone but an invitation to their pity party. 🙂

    1. oh so true Paula. These guys are empty shells. Everything is so typical. You and I had this “bi polar” discussion a long time ago, I don’t think I ever wrote about it (heck, I can’t remember everything that I’ve written) until you just mentioned it over on your facebook page.

      1. I was reminded of it this week because Catherine Zeta-Jones recently revealed she is bi-polar. I gotta wonder though. Her husband (Michael Douglas) is a self-proclaimed sex addict and God knows what else! I wonder if her symptoms manifested due to his pathology. I wonder if she would be completely healthy if not for THAT relationship. So much more to this discussion related to sociopaths and the physical and health deficits we are plagued with while with them. I wouldn’t be surprised if CZJ announces she has ovarian cancer in a few years. Makes me wonder. XOXO

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