The Valuing and Devaluing of Physical Appearance by a Sociopath

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A Sociopath is very shallow and psychologically stunted and will place obsessive emphasis on the physical appearance of past and current targets. We are all human, live in a superficial world, and our kin in the animal kingdom even has standards of appearance for mating, so this is normal to a degree.  However, Sociopaths take the valuing and devaluing of our physical appearance to an extreme level.

When a Sociopath targets you, you are the epitome of health, beauty, robustness and have all the right attributes for “baby making.” A Sociopath is much more primitive and animalistic in their behaviors than a non Sociopath. A Sociopath will make immediate demands for you sexually not only to stake his claim upon you, but will have immediate fantasies about having babies with you. How else can a Sociopath prove that he was always the victim in his past relationships than to create a new family with new babies with a new target? In addition, the Sociopath’s children from former relations now hate him, so this is his chance to have a “loving baby” that will idealize him, albeit for a short time only. And how else can a Sociopath make sure the new target always stays tied to him but through baby making.

My Sociopath’s ex wife was Turkish and they had a child together. The ex wife as well as the 25 year old daughter, hates MS, therefore MS hated the appearance of all Turkish women (including his own sister). Turkish women were too dark, too short and too fat. On the other hand, I was perfect: lighter, taller, and leaner. MS wanted to have a baby with me even though he was 55 years old and in a moment of weakness even said out loud: “This will make Gulay and my daughter jealous.” Sociopaths will tell you what you need to know, you just need to listen.

MS would spy on his ex wife, ex girlfriend (left his ex wife for; left her for me), and all the Turkish women that he cheated on while with the ex girlfriend before me. He reported back to me: “They are all fat and falling apart.” He would go on to explain that they could never do as good as they did while with him. Sociopaths really believe this: You cannot survive without them and will physically fall apart once you are left for another target.

A Sociopath is psychologically stunted and on the same developmental level as a toddler. How do children attack one another? Physical appearance is the first attacking point of a child and people with personality disorders because physical appearance is not only the most superficial thing to shred apart, but an attack on our physicality penetrates and injures our feelings of placement in the social group.

Even though a Sociopath will despise your physical appearance during and long after the devaluing stage of your relationship, he is rarely cognizant of his own physical appearance. It took me 2-years of severe abuse to finally start speaking up to MS and after one of his reports to me regarding a “fat” ex, I stated, “But you have a weight problem as well.” We all know the dead, cold stare of a Sociopath. During my many attempts to divorce MS, he would yell at me that I was looking old and point out a wrinkle that was developing. MS is not only short, fat, and bald, but 13 years older than me. A Sociopath has little inner awareness of or connection to their own physical appearance and aging process.

Going back to the days of MS pedestalling me in our relationship and the “Turkish women are short and fat” and I am “taller and leaner” comments: Out in the hallway of the courthouse on divorce day, MS hisses to me: “I am marrying a Turkish woman with a huge fat ass, not skinny like yours.” A Sociopath is never consistent with any one thought, value or belief. Everything is chaos and living-in-the moment in the mind of a Sociopath. A Sociopath will idealize the physical appearance of what ever target is currently providing care and attention to their ego. One thing that a Sociopath is always consistent in is their superficiality and ease in attacking the physical.

We’ve all heard “the best revenge is living well.” This is especially true when you have been Struck by A Sociopath. While seeking “revenge,” you are giving yourself the greatest gift possible by being fit, strong and healthy. Physical well being will enhance your emotional recovery and not to mention boost your hormonal system. Sociopaths wipe out your entire hormonal system by increasing cortisone levels (the stress hormone) and fatiguing your adrenals (fight or flight).

In the end: “skinny ass” or “huge fat ass” will not matter to your next healthy and loving partner, but as far as your recovery and feeling good about your self is concerned, try to make not only your ass but all of your parts the healthiest, strongest, and best possible. Then be rest assured that your Sociopath is not only seething with contempt because you did not physically fall apart and rot away without him,  but he is the one that  continues to mentally and as a result physically decompose under his own inner chaos and turmoil.

Lynna, My Sociopath-Struck by A Sociopath

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Author: My Sociopath

Oceanside, California

8 thoughts on “The Valuing and Devaluing of Physical Appearance by a Sociopath”

  1. Thank you so much for this information! I am in the midst of the fog because my ego led me to ignore my intuition. I thought that I was safe. I thought that I could handle this because he was friendly, seemed trustworthy, and he made me “feel” safe, but I was wrong on so many levels. This is my fault. Loneliness is no excuse for stupidity. Looking back, I saw the signs, but I ignored them because I was distracted by what I was feeling, and I really wanted that feeling to continue. Plus, I could not comprehend what I saw, or what I thought I was seeing, and anyway I had never met anyone like him before ,so I felt fortunate to be in the presence of someone who listens, pays attention, and reciprocated my feelings even though my inner voice kept sending me random warnings. I ignored my inner voice because it did not specify why I should be mindful or what I should be mindful of, so I wrote it off as unwarranted nonsense going on in the back of my mind. I was completely transfixed. WTH!? How did this happen? I do not know, but I do know that he lied, conned, and isolated me from myself with such ease that I didn’t realize that “I was missing” until it was too late! I have found me, but I am in terrible shape! I will use this site as my bible so that I can regain my strength! I am grateful to him in the sense that through this experience, I learned good and some ugly truths about me, and this trauma has forced me to look nakedly at myself. I have gone deep inside to work on me and begin to heal areas of my life that I did not know existed. I hurt in so many places and areas of my life that I am able to place one of my fingers on each area of my body and rate it on a pain scale of 1 to 10. Area number 10 being the number that hurts the most is the area that I give my immediate attention. Area number 10 is my spirit, my core, my soul, my motivation, my reason for living, my drive, and my inner voice (my strength). This area hurts like hell because I am debunking the myth that he is better than me, smarter, has greater value as a person, and that I deserved to be mistreated because I was stupid. I believe that “eventually” I will be fine because I am worthy despite what he has said and done. Lastly, despite the fact that I ignored my alarm system, I am still standing or more like leaning…..Ok..I am vertical and regardless of my condition, my humanity is intact! I am scarred, but not bitter. For me, this means that I am on the right path finally.

    1. Hi Dodi,
      I am sorry for the delay in responding. I spend most of my time on the facebook page.

      What you wrote is extremely powerful and it reminds me so much of my own words/thoughts. I felt all the things you did when first meeting my sociopath. He seemed to fill all my needs. And just like you, I ignored all the alarms.

      I beat myself up for a long time for allow myself to be snared by a sociopath. And there are many writers of sociopath pages/blogs that believe the victim is not responsible and should not self-blame. However, if I did not look into my own dynamics in the sociopath-game, I would be in another abusive relationship right now. Instead, I traveled on a road of healing myself so that I would not do THIS again…repeat my old, ingrained pattern.

      My Sociopath did NOT do just one bad thing to me. Yes, if he did ONE horrible thing to me I would be a “victim.” If I were jogging in a park and I got attacked from someone hiding in a bush, I would be a “victim.” However, my sociopath did not “attack” me just one time. He did something creepy and insane most everyday of our time together. Almost every day I caught him in a lie, or twisting something I said, or pitting me against everyone we knew, or taking all my hard-earned money and wasting away as I was sacrificing buying much needed necessities for myself, or I discovered that he hacked into my online accounts and was pretending to be me…

      I stayed 3-years longer than I should have. We were married for 3-years. I knew before I married him that he was crazy.
      If I did not look into myself, I would still be with my sociopath or another abusive partner.

      The longer you travel this road of self-discovery and healing, the stronger you will become. I am stronger now than I ever could have been without this horrid experience. I now look at the sick people that destroy others and I could smile and think how lucky I am not to be them. Like you wrote: My humanity is intact!:)

      Lynna

  2. I could write a whole chapter on how my Ex Pathological Narcissist criticized my physical appearance — no matter how thin I was, I was never thin enough — I was never good enough and he would compare me to others. Funny thing is, he dumped me for someone shorter and according to my mother “homely” and not the Mila Kunis skinny he claimed he preferred. I also found out that my Ex is suffering from Erectile Dysfunction. I would say that is sweet justice!!!! Wouldn’t you agree? Haaaa! Haaaa!

    1. how funny! Most of these guys suffer from ED. It’s because they’re all surface…their emotions don’t connect to our soul but to our physical appearance and what we are offering them in the present moment (compliments, cooking for them, slaving for them, promoting them, feeding their ego).
      Weird too how they criticize personal appearance but yet they are usually fat or ugly or bald or short or just creepy looking, haha!
      I hope you are not struggling with body image issues because of your sociopath. I just try to be healthy, holistic, eat with compassion (no dead animals), exercise (yoga and weight training) and never ever diet!

      1. I was suffering for a long time. As a good friend said to me once, “I won’t blame him 100% but your Ex had a heavy hand at chipping away at your self esteem.” Since moving away from my ex, over a year ago, I’ve lost 11 lbs, am in great shape, and feel fantastic. I feel better now than I did when I was in my 30s! I’m 46 years old and am loving every minute of it. I love being a vegan — it comes as naturally to me as breathing.
        🙂

  3. “A Sociopath is psychologically stunted and on the same developmental level as a toddler.”
    I noticed this in my father about two decades ago, but in the conformist society he was born and raised and married, he had all the varnish to hide this and live together with my mother in a decent marriage. I think the first years they must have had a war going on, although I have never known the details, but they eventually found a balance.
    My mother has now been dead for 30 years and my father is 80. Slowly the varnish has been breaking of his skin, and now the toddler is all that remains. A very intelligent and experienced toddler, but one who cannot repress or suppress his emotions at all any more.

    1. Hi Bert: Such a good point about “conformist society.” A lot of sociopathy is hidden behind what we are conditioned to believe as “societal norms. I wrote another blog (before I understood what a sociopath was) about the Turkish culture and its insanities that everyone seems to overlook and dismiss as “Turkishness.” Now, after being thrown into the sociopath world because of my ex Turkish husband, I realize it wasn’t “Turkishness” that created his mental illness, it was the sociopathy of many things “Turkishness.” You motivated me to write about this topic once again: ) Lynna

      1. When I hear what my uncles and aunts tell me about my father’s father, he must have been the real narcissist. We talk about somebody who was born around 1890 and died in 1967. He gave anyone he knew a nickname, and most of the time this was related to physical appearance or defects. My father always continued this tradition up until now. My father was the youngest of 12 and born when grandfather was already in his mid forties.
        My own father got a chef in my mother, who had finished high school, while my father only went till the age of 14. So she was able to accept him to transform, at least on the outside, so he became a respectable branch manager of the major insurance company in the country, in one of the smaller cities.
        A society in the 20th century was always layered, with the upper class a little post-conformist, and leading, the middle class conformist to state and religion and the lower classes pre-conformist and often narcissist. While the structure might have changed a little, the numbers in each class have significantly changed, with middle class often a majority now, and before only 20%, and lower class a lot less present in today’s society. Time might swing back and forth over the centuries though, as history has shown over the past 5 millenia.

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