My Sociopath (Kenan Umit) owns an electronic repair shop so I assumed the “Baiting and Recording” trick was a “speciality” onto his own. However, I recently discovered through reading other domestic violence pages, this is a common Gaslighting technique amongst non-techy sociopaths as well. According to DNAIndia.com, gaslighting is “one person (spouse, parent, partner, boss) manipulates to make people believe their reactions are so far off base that they’re crazy, where more often than not, women are at the receiving end of this behavior.” (May 26, 2013)
We live in a time where all smartphones have easy to access recording buttons and most everyone walks with smartphone in hand. Not only did My Sociopath (MS) have his smartphone perpetually glued to his ass (sociopaths are hyper and addicted to attention), he bought an inexpensive and miniature recording device that he walked around with in his shirt pocket. MS was always out to get someone who was doing him wrong.
The first 2-years of our marriage, I never reacted to MS’s lies and tricks. I was just in a perpetual state of shock, a deer caught in the headlights, because of not being able to make sense of his games, slight-of-hands, lies, and crazy-making. I had no idea what a sociopath was back then. I just thought he was “crazy.”
Year 3 of our marriage, I was completely broken down mentally and physically. I was swollen with fluids and the free clinic tested me and told me that I had screaming high cortisone levels, fluid buildup around my vital organs, and was in pre-stroke condition. (Side Note: I went to the free Community Clinic. MS was a hypochondriac [as most sociopaths are] and had a $700.00/month health care plan).
Year 3 was my year to react. MS would say the most horrible and off-the-wall distorted things to me. MS’s face would gloss over with an eerie and dead cold stare and his horrible mouth would snicker as I was in full reaction mode. He would become stone quiet and blank as I was trembling with shock, fear, and confusion. All of a sudden, he would mechanically “console” me and try to “make nice” with me. He became a different person…he was never calm and understanding but after the provocation and during my reaction, he would change into a sympathetic man. I was thrown off balance.
After his show of “sympathy,” he would become quiet. I could never understand why he became quiet because normally he never stopped talking and always had to be in the act of telling lies, half-truths, and exaggerated tales. But I figured: “Oh, I get to have my 2 cents in…finally.” I would continue on with my verbal countdown on his lies and craziness and how I would be divorcing him.
MS talked me out of divorce too many times to count. We ended up in Istanbul, Turkey on what was suppose to be a long vacation but I never had one moment of rest. Immediately upon our arrival in an Istanbul apartment after a 26-hour plane trip, I lay my bags down and attempt to relax. MS pulls out an MP3 player, his face turns into that of a monster’s, his normally dead eyes sparked alive, and he says in a creepy and sinister whisper: “I’ve been secretly recording you all along…I have it all on this MP3 player, you will now listen to it.”
I screamed for my life and ran for the door to go, go anywhere…I didn’t know where. MS locks the door from the inside (a Turkish thing), puts the key in his pocket, calmly sits down and laughs at me as I cry and scream in fear…(story is much longer and includes his sister showing up; I am begging for her to help me, and she abandons me. I will soon post a blog on the dysfunction and often mentally-ill enablers of sociopaths).
If you suspect that you are being Provoked/baited and then secretly recorded, you probably are. A sure sign is the offender stirs-the-pot: says something off-the-wall, untrue, twisted, and mean, immediately pretends to calm you, and then turns quiet and “patiently” stands back and watches you. You will feel that something odd is going on because he never usually allows you to speak and he never becomes calm and sympathetic after you catch him in an act of deception. His act of consoling you during your reaction (which is very unusual for him) is because he too is on tape.
MS not only Gaslighted me with these secret recording, or tried to make me listen to them so that I would think myself crazy and not him, he took them to his creepy electronic repair business filled with dysfunctional enablers and played the recordings for them. I had previously filed for divorce against MS (he manipulated me into not following through with the proceedings), and I knew that he was dangerous and “crazy” (conveyed this to him numerous times) and that he knew that I would soon be gone, so he was laying the foundation with his enablers (support group) that I was the crazy one. Gaslighting and the Smear Campaign go hand-in-hand.
If you cannot immediately leave this person for good…stay calm when you realize that you are being baited, put up your hand to the offender and calmly state, “Stop, what you are saying is not accurate, here are the facts…” List the correct facts quickly and succinctly. Walk away. Make plans to leave this very dangerous person.
Lynna, My Sociopath-Struck by A Sociopath