August 23, 2012…”I do these sort of things on Divorce Day.”
I walked out of the Vista Court house yesterday around 5pm. My divorce is final. What? I don’t understand. I’ve lived in terror for 3-years of marriage and 13-months of divorcing. I lived in High-Anxiety, not ever knowing what was going to hit me and when: Constant Lies, weird people lurking everywhere, weird deals with weird people, chaos, destruction, financial ruin, pitting everyone against each other, backstabbing, No loyalty to me-to no one, I’ve been living on Alert for years.
Not only did my mind break down, but my body was left destroyed at the start of this divorce. I slowly regained my physical health during the divorce but it was harder to recover my mental and emotional health because MS was still engaging in the “smear campaign” against me, stalked me around my home, and made continual attempts to get me kicked out of my home.
Our Final Divorce Settlement includes an Anti-Harassment paragraph where MS is not to harass me anymore and if he does, it will fall under court’s jurisdiction. In a sense, I have some reprieve, but why don’t I feel any reprieve? Because all the damage has already been done. (I will write more about my divorce settlement later). Please, read their Divorce Files!
I drove out of the Vista Court house and didn’t want to go home. Life is too strange, how can this stuff happen to good people, how can the MS’s of the world exist? I drove to the Starbucks around the corner and couldn’t order a coffee, I would throw up. I walked into the PickUp Stix next door, couldn’t order food, I would throw up. How did THIS happen to my life? Why did I let MS fully penetrate my existence and then allow him to destroy me?
I decided to just sit outside…between the two; Starbucks and PickUp Stix. I stared out into the parking lot, onto Melrose, out into the Universe…After some time, I call my Bolivian friend and tell her that I cannot go home, I don’t know what to do with myself, what to do now that IT’S over?
We decide to go to the “Yellow Deli” in Vista. People who do not live here do not understand but North County San Diego is a very conservative place. This is NOT San Francisco and it reeks of Greed, Materialism, Superficiality, Shallowness, Ignorant-Thoughts, and Small Closed-Minds.
On Divorce Day, August 23, 2012: I was flung into a whole new world at the “Yellow Deli.” I thought I knew all about religions, but no, a religious group called the “Twelve Tribes” own/operate this extraordinary coffeehouse/restaurant in the middle of former Ku Klux Klan territory. WTF, in Vista! It’s as if you are entering a tree-house of peace…layers of harmony.
I talked to many of the members of “Twelve Tribes” that worked in the restaurant and of course I kept leading the topic of discussion back to the madness of our current world. One of their main beliefs is to live in communities where everyone supports one another and works for the overall growth and prosperity of the group. Oh, I thought, I did that with MS, but he destroyed everything that I grew.
It was explained further that if a person has a weakness, it would never be used against them, instead the community comes together to help this person. Strange concept, MS would hunt for my weaknesses, extract them, turn them inside out and exploit me with them.
There are many more details I learned about “Twelve Tribes” and if interested, find out if one of their communities is near you. They are in many different states and different countries. They sometimes have restaurants but if not in your area, they have gatherings for the public at their homes. It’s worth just one visit, at the least.
I couldn’t help but think about MS’s destruction toward other human beings, especially women out in the “real” world. Many people are born into the “Twelve Tribes” and have no idea about this kind of horrible destruction of one human being toward another. These people will never meet the likes of MS.
In this group: Divorce is NOT an option. You work all issues out, no matter what. However, I understand there is NO ever helping MS, you can’t help that form of evil and destruction. I know MS will never be better, it is in his genetic makeup, there is something wrong with his brain and if you know the signs, you can actually see it manifest in all circumstances. MS will always be sick and he will die alone. A Sociopath’s pool of unsuspecting women dry up as they get older. Soon, there will be no one left to target.
I felt sad that I wasn’t protected similar to the people born into this type of safe community and environment. Then again, it took all THIS, to make me stronger, to bring out my spirit, to make me see the madness of the world and to try to lead through this mass chaos by allowing my heart to be my guiding light.
On Divorce Day, I experienced a clash of two worlds…one of conflict….one of peace, and just when I thought there was no hope left. The universe works in strange ways.
My Bolivian friend and I finally leave the “Yellow Deli.” We approach my car and I left all windows wide open, doors unlocked and both our computers were sitting on the back seat. I am astonished for I have never done anything so irresponsible.
I might have been drunk off the endless supply of Yerba Mate tea, I might have been in shock over spending the afternoon at the Vista Court House and then my tail-spin into such a peaceful world…but, I calmly stated:
“Oh, I do these sort of things on Divorce Day.”
My Bolivian friend splattered against the car laughing and yelled out: Divorce Day! What is that, a regular day in your week?!
Realizing my slip of language, I broke out in hysterical laughter too, nearly falling out of the car and realized:
I am still alive. I will be okay. I am becoming just what I was always meant to be, well except for that little “MS Bump” in my road, I am returning to my Joy and especially my Quirkyness!