Standing on your own in Divorce Court against a Sociopath, his attorney and a crazy Commissioner

Vista Family Court this week for divorce’s Status Conference.

Oh my god. Patti Ratekin substituted for Commissioner Lowe. I wrote this before: MS turned the divorce filing around on me. I was filing against him, he cried and begged me to hold off, I did, he filed against me. I submitted 3 emails to the courts where he admitted doing this. There is nothing left for us to fight over. No one stole money from the other person, no children, drugs or crimes involved but MS hired an attorney.

His attorney sent me a “Proof of Service” by mail that I received my husband’s Income and Status Declaration (I&E) dated 7/27/11 by mail. The envelope had nothing in it and there were no other mailings. I wrote his attorney a nice certified letter/proof of signature stating that I never received an I&E dated July 27, 2011 and if I had received one, it would be a year old anyways and it would need to be a more current one. So please resend and it needs to be current.

No response.

So, at the Status Conference, Mr. N blows in 45 minutes late. We approach the tables where I am the pathetic Respondent without representation. Patti Ratekin immediately starts “mamming” me. You know, not the “polite mam” but the “scolding mam.”

Patti Ratekin ask me: Mam, did you submit an Income/Expense Declaration?

I state: No, but neither has the other side.

Ratekin: Mam, there is “Proof of Service” that you were sent one.

Me: I know. I received the “Proof of Service” but not the I&E. I immediately responded to that with a certified letter to Mr. N stating I received no such I&E and he never responded back.

Patti Ratekin (scolding): Mam, I’ve know Mr. N for 20-years as an honest man and if you are saying that he is twisting/turning things!

Me: Well if I did get it: It was supposedly dated July 27, 2011 anyways. That is a year old.


Me: Oh. (hanging my head)

Ratekin: If you are NOT getting his things, then go pick it up at his office.

Me: That would be great. I would like to pick everything up at his office from now on.

A lot more crap went on, but will write about that in other post.

The whole fiasco ends with Mr. N running through the little wooden swinging gate and forcefully swinging it back to slam and hit me: )

Walking to my car, it dawns on me: If Mr. N sent me my husband’s Income/Expense Declaration he would have had to first submit it to our file. Wait, damn it!

I get home and call the Vista Court and ask to speak to the Supervisor of Courts. I speak to “Kim” and ask her to check if my file has my husband’s I&E in it. “Kim” gets my file from Ratekin and finds NO I&E in it. She checks the Input Computer System to see if it was dropped off and not filed yet: NO I&E Input in the computer.

I ask “Kim”: Why didn’t Ratekin look in my file for an I&E from the other party instead of scolding me and talking about knowing Mr. N for 20 years?

“Kim”: I don’t know.

Me: Ratekin was immediately showing bias and discrimination toward me when she blurted out knowing Mr. N for 20 years and basically saying that nothing I say matters. She didn’t even look into the facts…there was NO I&E ever filed by the other party.

“Kim”: Oh, we’re not allowed to discriminate and be bias.

Me THINKING: What ever…of course you were discriminating, we all discriminate. I am not only the Respondent but I am without an attorney. Sure.

Me: How old can an I&E be?

“Kim”: NO MORE than 3-months old.

Me: WTF! (did not really say that): Patti Ratekin told me a year old I&E is okay.

“Kim”: I don’t know why she told you that?

I go to Mr. N’s office as ordered by Ratekin to pick up the I&E.

I ask Mr. N’s receptionist when she mailed me the I&E.

Her response: Yesterday.

OhMiGAWD!!!! What the F@#$! (again didn’t say that, I actually said “Thank you” and walked away: )

I immediately find the contact information of The Supervisor of Family Court Judges located in San Diego.

I documented everything that happened to me, filed it with the courts, and then mailed a copy to The San Diego Supervisor of Family Court Judges!


I know it takes time. I know it is exhausting. But these people need to be held accountable! If we all stood together, these crazy people cannot maintain their power to destroy the lives of innocent people.

Author: My Sociopath

Oceanside, California

89 thoughts on “Standing on your own in Divorce Court against a Sociopath, his attorney and a crazy Commissioner”

  1. Wow I was divorced in 2001 and I am STILL getting reamed by Ratekin! Unreal! I am so glad I subscribed to your blog. Hope she gets ousted because I am supposed to appear in September.

  2. Please contact me I just came from court with this woman and she is horrible. She didn’t read a damn thing that was filed, what she read was read wrong. She is not in for the children’s best interest at all. Why has nothing been done?

    1. Hello, Sorry for the delay in responding. This blog post is many years old and no longer active. I just noticed your comment. I discovered that the Vista Court House was under investigation, and may still be to this day, for bad and unethical practices involving all personnel (judges, clerks, attorneys). I don’t know the results of the investigative findings. But it can be googled. San Diego County Court, Vista, Ca, under investigation. When I get time, I’ll look into it more.

      I hope you’re doing better now and I’m sorry this happened to you.

  3. I am currently in a case under Ratekin. Believe me, I know. I have stood with my mouth agape at the things she does and says.

    Biased and unlawful!

  4. I have come across your blog in searching for other people who have been effected by the incompetent judgements of Patti ratekin.

    Currently I have had this judge for almost 6 years. It’s always been extremely frustrating with her but in the last two years, it has been every mother’s worst nightmare.

    History on my case, I have been the primary caretaker of my daughter her entire life. She has never spent more then 3 consecutive nights away from me as long as she has been alive.

    When she was 4 months old, I left her father who was extremely physically and emotionally abusive. I had to hide out for 3 months at a friends house where he couldn’t find me and I filed for a restraining order and divorce imediatly after leaving him.

    Patti ratekin was the judge on the restraining order. She scolded me for having chose him as a father and said she was teaching us a lesson about being adults for this child. She read the horrific, well laid out allegations of abuse and scolded me again for never calling the police. I expressed my fear of my daughters father back then of how if I said I would call the police, he would beat himself up and say he had more mark’s and they would take me to jail instead among other threats of finding me and killing me if I ever made a report. I believed him and of course in hindsight wish I had done it anyway.

    His mother had actually witnessed a very bad moment of abuse where he was choking me up against our garage in broad daylight screaming he was going to kill me. Thank God in the earlier moments of the argument I called her panicked because I was so scared and she showed up, ripped him off me as I was blacking out, where he screamed ” the only reason your alive is because she showed up”. She then took me to her house for two weeks and actually told me she would be so sad but would understand if I had to leave him then. I didn’t unfortunately and I stayed for another year.

    When I finally had enough I followed through with the restraining order. Without representation or anything to my name we went to trial, he hired a shark of a lawyer, a friend of his mother’s. When his mother got on the stand I asked her about the choking incident, she proceeded to lie under oath and said it never happen. It blew my whole case. She was so scared of loosing her granddaughter (which I had no intention of doing my only goal was to keep us safe) she lied for her son.

    I was devastated, it still bothers me to this day because I truly believe if she would have told the truth, it would have saved my daughter from the abuse she is now enduring and it would have never gotten this convoluted in court. I believe if Ratekin understood abuse and the cycle of it she would have understood what was going on better.

    I had witnesses of his demeanor also but not the abuse besides his mother . When ratekin finally ruled to not move forward on the restraining order because of lack of evidence, she turned to my ex husband and said “Mr. Blank if Ms. Blank ever comes to me with another restraining order, I’m going to grant it so i suggest you stop this behavior” I have these transcripts being sent to me by the court reporter as of last week.

    I was floored. Here I was with a newborn 4 month old, finally leaving a 3 year abusive nightmare where I never thought I would get out alive. He wasn’t helping with a dime or a diaper, I had nothing when I left because when I was with him he wanted me to stay home and not work. I had to get food stamps and WIC because he was paying this lawyer instead of helping with our daughter. This judge alludes to his abusive behavior but still doesn’t grant the restraining order…but next time she will.

    Plus the pictures of bruises I had presented and all the other telling evidence, one being in his declaration to ADMITTING to holding me down and putting his hand over my mouth to stop me from talking. He made it seem like it was self defense but it would have been telling to any sane judge considering my declaration was cut and dry and I had witnesses of him threatening me while I was gathering my things to leave him.

    Ratekin also ordered BOTH of us have to go to a domestic violence class. I was just shocked. Turns out that class was the best thing that ever happened to me because I met my current therapist of 5 years. He helped me understand the cycle of abuse and what I had truly been through. He knew I wasn’t the abuser and we spent years of talk therapy going over how I ended up with a violent sociopath. He has also voiced for this therapy to court officials and I’m still not believed.

    Later that year in an effort to get me back, knowing that I was in therapy, my ex husband seemed to surrender for a moment and tried to get some help. He went to a therapist and in that time frame was honest enough to be properly diagnosed as a sociopath. In a monologue trying to sway me he admitted this and said that the only thing he remotely has any emotion for is our daughter because she is a reflection of himself.

    This was supposed to make me want him back because he was making an effort to get help in his mind but instead it validated the last three years and was the cherry I needed to never look back. I kick myself often because as a honest person by nature I didn’t think of a manipulative plan to get the info of the therapist so I could bring it to court. He won’t provide the records and ratekin won’t subpoena them still to this day.

    All that being said, for the next 3 years, he was very absent in our daughters life. Missing visits, stalking me, drunk dials. At one point he owed me $13,000 dollars in arrears and didn’t get caught because he would continue court dates, pay just before the penalties of not paying for 6 months, quite jobs, you name it he’s evaided in that way and continues to now. With almost 90% custody and me being the primary caretaker he pays $80 per month and has now for almost 2 years. Pays for no doctors visits, no therapy no, daycare.

    I continued to build a life for our daughter, worked full time, advanced my career in being an administrator, gathered some material things such as a cute beach apt, a new Kia , and most importantly created a community who loves and cherishes my daughter and myself.

    All the while her father drags me to court at any chance he gets, tells me he’s reading art of war and that he’s set to make my life a living hell at all costs.

    My daughter is my world and always has been. The reason I left wasn’t at first for me but for her because I had already endured this abuse for years but her sweet clean slate didn’t deserve to have to be put through that. It wasn’t fair to her.

    In the last 3 years, her father has remarried. At first I thought of this as a blessing, he would finally stop obsessing over me and leave us to peace. I hoped they would have a child do the deal and he would stop the harassment. I was very niave to think that.

    I believe it was actually the graduation to the next level of abuse for him. The abuse my daughter has endured started very subtle, with little things she would pick up, come home and have questions about. Things like why daddy said that Hilary Clinton kills babies, that daddy had said to watch out for the Mexicans at her school, that he called me the villian. His wife talked about my breasts being “saggy” and my stomach being flabby. Talking about guns in her father’s home that she was aloud to hold when it wasn’t loaded. She would come home asking about court and jail, this is all at age 4 years old.

    This was very disheartening and disturbing. The icing for that period of time in getting help was a story about how Daddy got mad at his wife and poured old rotten coffee on her, and pulled her hair” Knowing after all the years of trying to co-parent it would be impossible to bring this to his attention, I contacted a lawyer and we wrote a declaration regarding my concerns.

    He immediately denied all of it of course and said that I was alienating our child and manipulating her to say these things. Ratekin informed him he needed to stop some of the behavior and withdrew some custody but not much. She scolded me and told me if I was so concerned why didn’t I call CPS. I said I was advised to bring it to court and that I will next time if that is what she thinks I should do.

    In the same breath she insinuated I had maybe asked my daughter to get this information which was the farthest thing from the truth. My daughter is above average and has always been extremely articulate. In expressing this she scolded me and asked me why she was so smart as if I had made her that way. She also took away the right for his wife to be alone with our daughter which he refused to follow almost every pick up because he works most of the time he has with her. I have also brought that up numerous times but always get shut down and it moves to the next issue.

    The two years following this declaration have been the worst of my daughters life. Since her father has been under the microscope he has acted out in hurting our daughter and hurting his wife in front of her repeatedly.

    The next event of abuse happened on the day we had mediation last year. Her father had our daughter that day per the custody arrangement. She was with the wife she was court ordered not to be alone with. He has also admitted this in talking parents but ratikan has never taken the time to read it.

    After ratekin has advised me to call CPS, an incident where her father was screaming profanities before his pick up outside my home happen. I feared handing my daughter over that he was in a rage but had been advised to follow court orders. I called CPS for the first time and told them everything that had been going on.

    In mediation her father informed the mediator that the CPS case had been closed, he was misinformed so I let him know it wasn’t true and that my daughter actually had an interview the next day with CPS. He was shocked but acted very confident.

    When I picked up my daughter that night she was far from herself. She was over active, highly emotional and when I buckled her in I noticed dry blood in her nose. My daughter has never had a nose bleed in her life so it was very alarming. I asked her what happen she said she got a nose bleed in her sleep. I didn’t react, and we went to dinner where our daughter’s behavior continued to be very strange.

    When we got home our daughter was all over the place still and told me in the car that her daddy made her keep a secret. I asked her the secret and she said I’m not aloud to tell.

    In the house she kept repeating the there was a secret. She knows in this house we don’t keep secrets and I reminded her of that. When I did she went ballistic crying into her pillow and said daddy hurt me, daddy pushed me off the bed and said if I tell he will go to jail and the court will find out. She was hysterical. I had never seen my sweet tempered little angel so distressed ever in her life.

    I called the authorities, they came to check her out and we did a forensic eval. She told them what happen but because of how little she was, they couldn’t prove intent. Her father openly lied to ratikan on record saying it never happen but when the report undoubtedly said she was pushed off the bed they just couldn’t prove intent, he changed his story to say they were playing around and he remembers now. Ratikan saw nothing wrong with his two completly different stories. She dropped the ball and my baby suffered another year.

    The abuse following consists of coaching, name calling, fear tactics, calling my daughter a liar, hitting her across the back of the head, on her body, spanking her, and one of the worst has been the abuse he has inflicted on his wife in front of our daughter.

    She has told the minor advocate, her therapist, and CPS about an incident where her father choked his wife out unconsciousness in front of our daughter. The wife woke up grabbed their newborn and our daughter and ran out the door. He chased them, she ran to her sister’s house and then proceeded to tell Sadie to never tell anyone.

    This story has never changed but there were moments of course our daughter was confused at having her father and his wife coach her. She was confused about reality for a while to others who he was specifically telling her not to say certain things to. She would say the abuse but then say I’m not scared daddy loves me or small details would be confusing. These are things she has told me he has asked her to say.

    She knows here is a safe spot which I believe is why she tells me the whole story and while I understand the concern that mother’s do coach children they are not understanding I would never do that and I’m the person our daughter is most comfortable with. Her primary caretaker her entire life.

    He was reduced to supervised visits after this alleged abuse. Her therapist called CPS and CPS deemed it unfounded because his wife lied about the abuse and said she was not being hurt that I was crazy. She is in an abusive relationship and it only makes sense to cover for your abuser if you have no intentions of leaving anytime soon. I have been her. She constantly lies about what our daughter has expierenced in order to cover up the abuse.

    The supervised visits we’re not with a court appointed supervisor, they were with his wife’s mother. The woman who my daughter is saying is being abused, her mother…I’ll just let that sink in.

    My daughter saw him a couple times since then and on the last visit something shifted majorly in my daughter. She has always told us and others that she is scared of her father but she still wants to go to his house. She has talked about wishing he would change, that maybe she can help him be better. All of which breaks my heart as a mother because I have had to allow her this process of loving and defending her abuser. I feel I have done a really.good job of that.

    The shift from her last visit was that my daughter was having very intense anxiety because she had been being told she was going to move to Nevada where her father has moved. That her room was ready and he even gave her a timeline of 5 weeks.

    She expressed this and also that she was very scared he was going to hurt me and I would pass away. Her next words were my dream life is to not have to be picked up by my dad anymore. I allowed her to have her feelings and said it’s okay to feel however you feel as I always do.

    She hasn’t stopped saying it since. Then another incident happened where her father was screaming outside of my house and for the first time in 6 years, I broke a court order. I told him he was scaring me and to please leave my home. I will not be handing out daughter over with this behavior. He called the police and even with a court order, they allowed her to stay with me because he was so erratic.

    I was then advised to go into a domestic violence shelter to be safe and also in hopes we could finally get the help we need to keep my daughter safe for good. We uplifted our beautiful life a block away from the beach, 7 minutes walking from her school and it was the hardest thing I have ever done as a mother. I believed it was still better then the trauma Sadie has been experiencing.

    I have begged this man on talking parents where she has access to see it for years to coparent.

    This week in court, judge ratekin has said now that she thinks I am the one coaching our daughter, that I have put her in an unsafe situation by having her in the domestic violence shelter. She told me she thinks I’m lying and almost gave custody to her father’s mother!! Then on the opposite scale, after me calling her out pretty aggressively and saying I feel like she is threatening me and how could she take away a child from the primary caretaker who she has never spent more then 3 nights away from, she took away more custody from him and court appointed supervised visits.

    Here’s the kicker, she gave them but told me I need to pay for it and “I need to put my money where my mouth is”. This man pays 80 dollars in child support!!!! I have her full time!!! I do EVERYTHING! she has been in therapy for the last year and it’s $175 and hour he has NEVER PAID A DIME . Never called the therapist to check, NOTHING.

    I almost had to be escorted out because I had more to say and she didn’t like it. She almost took my parental rights away then She said I’m the concern but gave him the court appointed supervised visits? Then made ME pay? It really is, as insane as it sounds.

    I’m sorry this is so long winded but I’m hoping that you can help me connect with as many people as I can to make sure this woman is held accountable and at the VERY least off my case.

    In her delays of countless court dates this year she keeps saying ” I don’t know what to do here” and it’s causing my daughter her childhood. This judge is really mentally unstable and I’m scared now if I put my foot down and honor my daughters wishes of not going back, she will take my rights away because she doesn’t like that I have challenged her.

    I want to make this as public as possible, to rally people to make a difference. If it takes protesting, letters, declarations I will do all the work necessary and if you know anyone who wants to as well please give them my info. This woman needs to be stopped. She is incompetent, and probably certifiable. Something is very very wrong.

    I tried to give her 21 declarations that my community has written 9 of the 21 have DIRECTLY witnessed him calling me a bitch a whore, screaming outside, calling unessesary police presence as a threat and she said ” I will not read your declarations, you’ve probably told your friends to lie mam”

    Meanwhile previously she has stated her only concern of me is that I am overprotective or he is abusive and she can’t tell. Now it’s turned into I’m coaching.

    I’m lost at what to do. I literally feel like a lifetime movie where I just want to take my family and run away. This woman needs to be stopped,she is ruining people’s lives and I KNOW there are a ton more then even the comments in your blog. If we can get this heard and public I really believe we can actually make the difference.

    Thank you for your time and for posting that blog, in reading the comments I feel so much less alone. My contact info is

    1. I was there that day and witness the entire thing. what she told you and what you said. I was in shock and i regret not going after you to find you and getting to know you. I have been dealing with Ratekin for 7 years now and she says and treats me the same! That day in court I was waiting to go up and face Ratekin myself and terrified. I was sitting right in front of the fathers family, I witness everything! I remember Ratekin telling you she would take your daughter away and give temporary custody to the paternal grandparent only because she did not want you to continue exposing her and she was trying to find a way to make you stop. All i can say is that our stories are very similar and ever since that moment you gave me strength and I realize I’m not going crazy and not alone. I’m still dealing with Ratekin and shes order a 730 Evaluation. I’m scared, have horrible anxiety, have nightmares and afraid to even leave my house. I would like to meet you. #justiceforalexander

  5. Do you know how to file a complaint against ratekin? Is there any other action I can get in on? She’s very twisted and narcissitic.

    1. Danae,
      I get many request for this, and usually against Ratekin. I will post a separate blog in the next couple of days regarding how to write complaints/concerns regarding judges in the San Diego Courts. In the mean time, if you would like to write your story to me, I can post it as a separate blog as well. You can be anonymous if you like.

      1. I need help and guidance with this “Judge” Is there any way I can speak with you?? Im in pure HELL!!

  6. Help…Patti Radikin has run my family. 7 years of hell. We need to form a group to fight back. Please call me. Marries 23

      1. during this time, Patti was only away for a few weeks. Many rumors were going around and she kept postponing my case due to personal reasons.

  7. I have experienced the gender bias and unprofessionalism of this commissioner first hand. I am attempting to get a story in the news about her but the reporter I spoke to asked if there were more people who may have had similar experiences with Patti. Looking for help to gather up names of people who would be interested in partaking in this. The reporter said the strength of a story is in the numbers. The more people to interview the better the story.

  8. Judge Lowe was awful! Thank God she is gone. She was a judge in several of my girlfriends cases and hates women, we all got slammed. AFTER this happend I had 3 nervous breakdowns and lost everything.
    Thank you Judge Lowe. Your decision was unfair.
    He is now taking me back to Court. He makes about 200k a year. I used to make 100k i made 14k for the last 3 years. He beat me up he lied about our taxes and on and he was arrested for domestic violenve and he has had 5 duis. You got off light. Patty is a fair judge. I hope i get her for round 7.

    1. I’m glad to hear you had a better experience with Patty. I have concerns with the entire Vista Family Court System (though I’m sure this hold true for our entire country and even International). There is a complete disconnect amongst most court officials (judges, attorney, even clerks) and extreme lack of empathy and human kindness. I know “court business” is treated just as that, a “business,” but this should not be the case when human lives are being ruined.

      And especially, in current times, when many people are highly narcissistic, sociopathic, egotistical, gluttonous, materialistic and greed driven. This holds true for the court officials that I before mentioned, but also for many men (divorcing husbands). Men, in our society, are becoming even more sicker, more controlling, more deceptive, and more destructive than they ever before and women are being abused and ruined as much as they were before…as in former times. Just because women now have the right to vote, to work, and to receive close to equal pay as men, does not mean they are treated in the same regard as men in our society. I know women are also pretty screwed up out there but they don’t tend to do as much holistic and thorough destruction as males do (I know there are exceptions to this rule and there are some horrific women out there, but they are not as prevalent).

      The players in our court systems (judges, attorneys, clerks) need to take Empathy Training (for themselves) and they need to take courses on how to spot sociopaths/narcissists in court matters. It is their obligation to protect the victims!

      1. I’m a man and patty is the worst I’ve ever seen. Going on four years and I had to hire an attorney just to get heard. I’m filing a complaint against her.

  9. I posted the above lawsuits filed in Federal court. We should all get together and piggy back on the lawsuit.
    The San Diego Family Court, judges and lawyers are under investigation currently with the US Attorneys office, the FBI and Senators Boxer and Feinstien.
    I encourage all off you to contact the offices and file your complaints.
    Commissioners are under the jurisdiction of the County, so contact your board of supervisor and file a complaint there as well.
    This corruption has to stop!!!!!!

    1. Oh my goodness I’m so sorry that happened to you I feel your pain I’m going through the same thing even started doubting myself but now I know I’m not alone and I’m not wrong they are just corrupt!!! Count me in I want to help with whatever I can. Please get back to me.

      1. Hi Hector. This is an old post and most people once interested have now moved on. I listed a name of a Court Supervisor in San Diego that people could send complaints to. I sent a complaint off myself but per usual I received a response such as: “Thank you for your concern. We will investigate.” Then, a few weeks later: “We found no wrong doing. ” The typical letter that everyone receives when reporting an agency to a supposed higher-up agency that takes complaints. Let me know what is happening with you and I will help you problem solve. Lynna

      1. I’m willing to help and support with anything that i can, as I’m still dealing with this commissioner.

    1. This Court has jurisdiction pursuant to the following statutes:
    a. Federal Question Jurisdiction: Title 28 United States Code § 1331;
    b. Federal Regulation of Commerce Jurisdiction: Title 28 United States Code §
    c. Federal Supplemental Jurisdiction: Title 28 U.S.C. 1367(a);
    d. Federal Declaratory Judgment Act of 1946: Title 28 United States Code §§
    e. Federal Supplemental Jurisdiction: Title 28 United States Code §§ 1367(a)-
    f. Section 1964(a) of the Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations Act of
    1970 (“RICO”) Title 18 United States Code §§ 1964(a), (b), (c), and (d);
    g. RICO 18 U.S.C. § 1965(a), (b), and (d); and
    h. Rules 57 and 65 of the Federal Rules of Civil Procedure; and
    i. The general legal and equitable powers of this Court.

    3:13cv1944 CAB BLM

    2. Venue is proper under 28 U.S.C. § 1391(b) as one or more Defendants are
    located or reside in this District, and a substantial part o

  11. Case No. 3:13-cv-1944 CAB BLM
    Judge Cathy Ann Bencivengo

    RIGHTS ACT OF 1871 (42 U.S.C. §§
    1983, 1985, 1986);

    (18 U.S.C. § 1962);


    (28 U.S.C. § 2201);



    1. Sylvia,

      Wanted to say “Thank you,” all this time later. I’m constantly “notified” about this writing.
      People are still coming to this blog out of need…court and legal abuse is growing even more worse. Thank you for leaving the codes.
      How did things work out for you?

  12. I just learned of this site. My children and I went to the Department of Child Support Services to resolve our child support matter. Commissioner Ratekin refused to take Judicial Notice of Commissioner’s Lowe’s Order that my children were at the age they can choose who to live with. My ex husband San Diego Police Officer Dan Lasher assaulted our daughter on May 12, 2007 and my daughter dialed 911. When Sheriff Deputies arrived they did not assist our daughter but left her crying and barefoot on the bus stop. My daughter Natalie and son Danny were unable to retrieve their belongings from their father’s home as he immediately changed the locks but wanted child support from me and asked Commissioner Ratekin. I expressed my concern that the San Diego tax payers were being billed for SDPD Officer Dan Lasher’s perjury and Commissioner Ratekin should simply take Judicial Notice of the Order from June 15, 2007 when SDPD Officer Dan Lasher attempted to advise Commissioner Lower that his children had been abducted and she explained to him that they are old enough to choose where they want to live. I expressed more concern that my children had not been provided with mandatory child support since May 12, 2007 and today’s date is November 17, 2009 and a game of “kick the can” is being played with the request for child support. I further stated I was advised child support matters are resolved within 30 to 60 days if the Department of Child Support Services knows where the non custodial parent lives. The non custodial parent in this case is a San Diego Police Officer. It was at this point that Mr. O’Keefe the representative for the tax payers in our child support matter stood up and stated “Your honor we have had an issue with evasion of service”.

    My children and I requested immediate assistance but Commissioner Ratekin once again delayed and rescheduled for February 23, 2009. To date we have been unable to resolve the child support matter.

    I have discovered that San Diego Family Law Court is a haven for waste and corruption. Litigants are used as commodities and held hostage in the system. At this point it is clear the only Public Safety message I can offer is the Family Court System is designed to enhance the financial interest of the attorneys who are accommodated by the judges and commissioners, as well as a complete failure on the part of our District Attorneys’ office to ensure any compliance with the law.

    1. Hi Eileen, I am sorry for this delayed response. I went over to the facebook page (My Sociopath) that is linked to this blog.

      I see you had another hearing on February 23. How did that go?
      Yes, the judges feed the attorneys and vice versa. The District Attorney’s office is a waste of tax payers money. Everyone is just feeding each other…and the people in need of help are destroyed. It is a sick and twisted system and I do believe the players (judges, attorney, even the clerks are creepy) are sicker than anyone that stands before them.


  13. After reading all of the comments, I’m kind of nervous. Both the x and I have attorneys anf we have been before PR since our divorce in 2010. She gave 80% custody to my x and now he’s moved out of the county (he’s a Marine) and him and his new wife are telling all these lies about me and my new husband. My children tell me they want to live with me, but I’m worried she’s going to take all custody from me and give it to him…we go back to court tomorrow (11-13-13).

  14. I dont even know where to begin. I have had 3 mediations to settle our case. Our Judge in Vista who we have been with for 3 years suggested Patti to settle our case vs a trial. I am on my 3rd attorney and my x has had one. I am 100% onto something. It smells very very fishy. She is so obviously biased and is all for the Non Custodial Parent. In our last meeting she interjected so many of her personal stories. She has a HUGE chip on her shoulder and is horrible. She was more concerned about me proving a email about a vacation VS having my X show his current drivers license and registration. She is not a mediator but a huge pot stirrer. Everything is going towards my x side. I ask for something she immediately says no and waits for my x to respond , its seems they have a little game going back and forth. We have 2 wonderful smart loving children. My x moved away over a year ago. PR said well then your 6 year old daughter will definitely have daddy problems and probably be pregnant at age 13! I was shocked. She knows nothing of me and our family besides the 4 volumes of court documents on the controlling harrassing x who is winning this case. I think she is being paid off by my x attorney who also sits on the bench. I could possibly be imaging all of this but when she told me to let my children go and stay with their father for 3 weeks of summer vacation while he has a suspended license and she took his word for it that he wouldnt drive with them. I asked who was going to monitor this she said no one he said he would not drive. This the man who was hiding the fact that he lost his license 3 years prior…should be trusted! There is WAY more…but if I could before tomorrow AM get a new JUDGE I WOULD! SCARY and Corrupt for sure

      1. yes, she is lost and makes ignorant assumptions based merely on the shallow knowledge of the two parties standing in front of her and what party is her preference…or she thinks to be her preference.

    1. Hi: I’m sorry I didn’t get back to you sooner. I see that you wrote this and mentioned you had to go back the next day. I hope things turned out okay?

      I posted recently a few resources at Vista in order to request a different commissioner/judge but it was too late by the time you wrote this.

      This institution (court house) should be openly providing these resources to everyone. I posted a few options on a recent post because I received many private messages over on my facebook begging me for help over at our court house because of the bizarre stuff going on over there.

      But I shouldn’t of had to do this…Family Court should be guiding and helping all of us!

      Patti Ratekin operates via ego. It is unbelievably weird. Still proceed to that post I wrote on how to write a complaint letter regarding her.

      Let me know how things went too if you get a chance: )




    1. thank you for this information for those who want to be proactive. This blog is so confusing…way too many settings, I even have a hard time figuring out how to get something posted and especially don’t know how to get private messages here. I’m over on my facebook community page most of the time…My Sociopath – Struck by A Sociopath. Can you private message me over there and we can plan something: )

      1. Hi All,

        it’s been a few months since all this interest in protesting against Patti Ratekin. I referred everyone over to my facebook page, “My Sociopath,” and did get a few Private Messages over there, but then everyone dropped away.

        But if still interested, we can do a protest after the new year.
        Again, I can’t receive quick and instant private message on this blog like I can over at facebook, so please private message me at facebook, “My Sociopath – Struck by a Sociopath.”

  16. i am really scared now after reading all of these posts about PR. We have a mediation date next week and then custody hearing next month. Very scared now. Can we request a postponement for a different judge?

    1. Hi Lisa, Yes, there is something “off” about Patti Ratekin but if you haven’t experienced her bad and bias attitude, there is no reason to request a different judge. Me personally, after dealing with the insanity of the Vista Courthouse, I have learned a very valuable lesson and that is to follow my intuition…if you don’t feel comfortable with PR, request a different judge. Lynna

  17. Patti Ratekin
    This commissioner is oviously a problem. I filed a TO against my husband who is a drug addict. Two times prior court hearings the court ruled that he was a liar and a addict. Oviously commissioer Rat doesnt read prior court orders and files. She gave my kids to the manipulating liar drug addict. She is bias and does not researsh the case prior to making a ruling. I for one will be filing formal complaints will the State Commissioners office, Department of Justice, Attorney Generals office and the California Bar Association. If enough complaints get filed against her she will be removed. PS dont forget to add the Board of Supervisors to the list.

    1. Yes, she does not read the cases before the parties appear in front of her. Scary. She had no idea what was going on in my case. I hope you started the process of filing the complaints…I am continuing to do this as well.

  18. I had a very bad experience with Ratekin also. My ex, the 3 kids and I went through a $30,000 14 months psych eval. The main recommendation in the report was to have a high conflict parenting coordinator and the report named the person recommended to do it. My ex and I signed a stipulation for this and then my ex reneged. Ratekin refused to enforce it, even though we had a signed agreement and Ratekin said in open Court that the only reason I wanted this was because she wouldn’t approve it. What a ridiculous statement. It sounds like something a 2 year old would say. And she also said she was personally biased against the recommended person and that person would never be allowed in her Courtroom. So, my attorney asked her to disqualify herself from the case so we could have the high conflict parenting coordinator that was recommended in the pysch eval and she refused. The whole thing is a Kangaroo Court. It is completely pathetic. She does not care and she refuses to help.

    1. Hi, I have been getting a lot of outreach regarding the incompetence of judges/attorney at the Vista court house. Can you private message me over on facebook “My Sociopath – Struck by A Sociopath?” There are things that can be done to bring awareness and hopefully change to the these incompetent players that are destroying lives. Lynna

  19. Let me start saying “sorry to hear about this happening to all of you”. I also have the misfortune of Patti Ratekin as my judge. she is the most corrupt judge in vista I think. Went to mediator and his report favored me, and said the mother brought anxiety on the kids, using them as pawns to get money from me. this corrupt bitch took over for judge Brannigan. The day i signed the paper for ratekin to hear my case, i looked over and my ex and her attorney was giving each other the thumbs up. already celebrating , as if the won the Superbowl. If you read the recommendation of the mediator they shouldn’t be celebrating. Well the first 5 minutes that corrupt bitch took my custody, my 3 weekends a month away and gave me 4 hrs on saturdays only. My ex and her attorney has told at least 65 lies, had a person say she heard my threating my ex from someone else,”which is 3rd party hearsay. they have perjured themselfs,been in contempt of court orders and everything else in between. I have brought proof that everything she submits to court are lies, to the point ratekin told me not to bring anymore proof to her courtroom. ( fuck that bitch). She is no judge. She has let the other side make a mockery out of her and her court. My ex has parents with money that hired bonnie mantle from goldberg and jones. 1 yr later she now has her own practice. (shes corrupt as well). I could go on but why. We are all in the same boat and i would do anything to take that bitch down. IM trying to find out if she took the oath of office to become a judge. If you have any advice or any resources let me know.


    1. Hello to broken down dad, supersad, and g,

      I’m sorry it took me a while to respond to these…I am sorry to hear that we all had similar experiences. There is something mentally wrong with Ratekin and even Lowe (however, she is more polite and mild mannered about her whackiness). I have been doing hours of research on our court system and its players of attorneys and judges and it’s filled with mental illness.

      The top professions that sociopaths and narcissist are drawn to are lawyers and judges. Most of these people have had abusive childhood and they are trying to “settle” their past and no way better to do this than to take control over the lives of the desperate.

      I recently had a horrifying personal experience with an attorney, wanna-be-judge and he was about as nuts as they come. We have been trained as toddlers to respect these professions that attract low-lifes, and thus they are overpaid for their craziness and destruction. Our entire family court system needs to be dismantled of these people and it needs to consist nothing more of mediators and progressive levels of mediation.

      I filed a complaint against Ratekin. I will go hunt down the person and address that I filed it to and post it on here. In the meantime, can you personally message me over at Facebook, My Sociopath, Struck by A Sociopath? One of you already did; provided your phone and I need to get back with you. Sorry for the delay: (


      1. wow! the experience I conveyed earlier (where the judge threw out the mediator report) was with Patti Ratekin. I’m in the process of filing a complaint against her. As I recall, my ex and her lawyers seemed very smug at the hearing where the mediator report (was going to be presented). My ex was doing a crossword puzzle the whole time and seemed really confident. Is it possible Ratekin can be paid off?

      2. Tried to message you on Facebook but no success. I’m trying to find out if there is anything new with protest against P R. Let me know please. Oh yeah just noticed your pic on here and your pretty hot. Just saying.

    2. You couldn’t be more spot on. She has no diligence at all, and if you go against anything that she suggests….she will lean on you till you blow up, and then have a reason to tell you why she’s not allowing certain things to happen….etc…. She never looks at the file and just makes half-cocked statements and knows you can’t do anything about it. Very bias lady, and extremely unprofessional…….you find yourself argue’ing your case with her and she’s arguing on the other sides behalf?????… She makes it about her… unethical jerk.

      1. That’s exactly what happened to me. Can somebody organize the protest / demonstration march against her?

      2. I’m in…..if we come together, then somebody has to listen. I filed a brief/explanation that my son was playing rated”M” video games….and told me he had seen a gun, and she (judge idiot) tells me that she thinks I may be swaying him……and orders us to go to a third party for evaluation…..which there is nothing wrong with going to a third party, but she just makes a statement like that with no thought… tact…..she is so pompous…..and nobody does anything to her.

      3. Hi All,

        I had people contact me over on Facebook, “My Sociopath – Struck by A Sociopath” regarding protesting against Patti Ratekin and then everyone dropped away from communication.
        If still interested, contact me over on facebook, private message, and we can talk again about protesting in the new year.

        If you get a hold of me over on my community facebook page (My Sociopath), I can refer you to my private facebook page and we can all connect and hold a group chat regarding our plans.


  20. I to had a run in with ratekin, she told me I don’t know how to parent my child during my divorce case. I argued with her (which yes is a mistake).

    I filed for a new custody agreement my exwife stands up says three things and commissioner then tears into myself and my new wife. At this point my lawyer has said nothing and I’m in shock.

    It’s hard being the dad, I feel like I’m fighting against a mo win scenario with this judge and she doesnt know me what so ever.

  21. My ex husband committed perjury, hid money, lied to his attorneys, submitted fraudulent tax returns, didn’t submit court ordered discovery documents, and didn’t show up for two depositions. He went through four attorneys, frustrated the process through delays, lies and manipulation and threatened to declare bankruptcy. He is the most famous Chiropractor in the world. Because he could afford a legal “dream” team – he got what he wanted because I was more concerned with the health and emotional well being of our daughters.
    If a financial planner embezzles money from a client – they are thrown in jail; in family court, it’s acceptable. If someone commits perjury (Roger Clemens, George Zimmerman’s wife), they are prosecuted; in family court, it’s acceptable.
    Yes, they need to be held accountable – but as with most things – the one with the most money – wins.
    RIP Mary Richardson Kennedy.

    1. I’m sorry hear what you went through and I so relate. Same here: he lied about our marriage date to make it appear our marriage was shorter so he would be held less responsible…It is up to me to fix it in the court documents, I have to file the correction and the copy of the marriage certificate because I am the one that said it was “incorrect” (I can’t say it’s a goddamn lie to the judge or I will look like the one with the problem), so I have to go about fixing all his creepy stuff the legal/legit way so I am the one taking the “higher road” nonsense….

      He’s claiming credit card debt from the money he spent on other women during our marriage…Not one single charge is for me or the house….

      He bought a home with another woman while we were married and tried to make the other woman lie to the courts and say I knew about it…WTF…

      These sickos need to be thrown in jail along with the judges that don’t put a stop to it!

      1. The only three I use professionally are WordPress, LinkedIn and Twitter. I don’t like Facebook and Tumblr seems very young (as in twnety-somethings) plus it’s down a lot. However, if you just want to reblog stuff, it should suffice.Some say Tumblr is easier to use than WP, but I find it’s harder to do custom things (feeds, analytics, nothing too advanced). If you want to upload images from your mobile phone frequently, you might do Instagram. That doesn’t mean you have to filter the shit out of everything. I probably don’t need to tell you that Pintrest is a bad idea since they pass infringement liability to the user. Also, it’s not so much for your own photos, really (use Flickr for that).If you’re going to Twitter a lot, you may as well sign up for Klout so you can obsessively track a number that means more to bloggers than their FICA score. Also, HootSuite is a good app for Tweeting with a better user interface (imo). For analytics (doubt you need this) I use Google, plus their Feedburn for automating cross-posting (linking your posts to your Twitter etc).Oh, and there’s Google Plus, but I don’t know anyone who uses it. Maybe it will catch on, but doubtful. Oh, and if you love fonts check out TypeKit for free web ones.

    2. Ditto on the scenario. It was difficult to come to the realization that every court in every county’s motto, “In pursuit of truth and justice,” is a lie….when it comes to family court. What would be completely illegal in civil or criminal court, goes unenforced in family law court, or becomes legal (fraud, embezzlement, perjury, contempts of court) because a wife and mother happens to be married to the criminal.

      This is actually terrible, for it teaches the next generation – the children – the one bullying, stealing, cheating, and being cruel and uncaring, actually wins.

      Shame on the judges, like the commissioner described above, who comply to the cartel of lawyers and who do not follow actually laws and rules of court. Shame on the lawyers who know they get to line their own pockets at the expense of decency to children.

      Did the supervising judge sanction the commissioner? If not, then at least there’s a dot to connect for future litigants, treated unjustly.

      1. Danna,

        You are so right! Only in Family Court is this acceptable. Sometimes I feel that the courts don’t care about the “victims,” because they are thinking: “Well, you are the one that married him!”

        Thank you for asking about the Supervising Judge: I called two times and left messages regarding a follow-up to my letter. No one ever called me back! This is where the courts expect everyone to give up (if anyone went this far to begin with), but I’m not.
        I’m going to research and find out where I go after the supervising judge?

        It’s because we all give up, stop trying…plus we are all too tired and stressed out because of the crazy divorce to begin with, that people allow these horrible things to happen to them in Family Court. Family Court knows this too: Very few people document and submit complaints because we already have too much on our plate to begin with.

        Family Courts in our country are horrendous!


      2. Sometimes when I stop and think about RBD it makes me want to work on myself and be a betetr person. (Not often, but sometimes. Usually I just think about changing the lighting pattern in my living room or caulking some windows). When people post about traits of sociopaths or NPDs, there are a few traits I see in myself and I get worried. After all, people with these disorders can’t see or admit that anything is *really* wrong with them, so if I was NPD or a sociopath, how would I know? And I think this book/reality TV angle of Donkey answers that question. I might have other issues, narcissism is not one of them because I’m pretty sure if I was portrayed in a book it would not be adorable. Not that I’m a bad person, but the negative personality traits would make for a much more interesting book and the best I could hope for would be fair treatment and some context to explain things.

  22. The court system is the biggest game board in existence. I’m disgusted that it protects the guilty if they have money against the obvious victim. I just keep repeating “Karma” in my mind. Karma.

    1. while learning that I was dealing with the madness of a sociopath/psychopath, I was then thrown into the court system. Eeeegad. I’m getting slammed dunked every which way. I’ve decided to stand up on all fronts and fix (okay, try to fix) the horrible court system in the meantime. Yeah, right whatever.

      1. I too have been experiencing the same thing. Story is way too long and still continues I have often had the same idea of wanting to fix the court system but then get completely overwhelmed and discouraged and dragged back into the court room for some ridiculous thing that costs me and my children money, etc. This is the most difficult thing I have ever been through and I was such a firm believer in “the system” before. I honestly believed that I was doing the right thing to protect my kids. I cannot believe the things their father has gotten away with, the lies he has submitted………and it all seems to be just fine. I could write a book here but it sounds like you know what I’m talking about. It’s just so hard to explain to others, particularly the attorneys, the children’s advocates, the judges, etc. Maybe if ALL got together we could do something………

      2. Hi Anonymous:
        I am sorry you are too having to deal with our screwed up court system. I do believe lawyers, many judges, and even down to the Clerks are crazier than most people that stand in front of them getting dragged through the terrible system.
        I think many of us want to “fight the system” and make positive changes, but just the design of the court system keeps up tired and depleted of all mental, emotional, and financial resources. Once we get a reprieve from the system, our energy to fight to improve it, has completely diminished and we don’t even want to go anywhere NEAR the sick court house!
        Have you ever noticed the negative energy of the place? I talked to many people in the Vista Court House while going through my divorce and they all agreed that a “feeling of dread” fills our hearts even upon driving into the parking lot.
        But something really bizarre: MS (My Sociopath) and the sick lawyers and judges that I’ve met, all told me that they get a feeling of energy out of the place. Yikes!

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