Welcome: I Hope You’ll Find Solace and Helpful Resources Here
Were you swept off your feet by a charming person who was filled with exhilarating energy, who made you feel ‘high,’ who took you places you’d never experienced before, and this person seemed too good to be true?
Did he or she love-bomb you, overcome all your senses quickly and seem to be your perfect, ideal match … your soul mate, to only grow bored, devalue, and then discard you a few months, or even a few weeks, later?
Does this person switch your words and the details of things that occur in your relationship around (gaslighting), provoke you into emotional reactions, pit people against you (smear campaign and triangulating), isolate and exclude you from their ‘other life,’ and play the cruel, silent treatment or disappearing act (stonewalling) when you have questions or concerns about your relationship?
Are you insecure and filled with anxiety because this person makes sure that you are never on solid-ground of knowing, really knowing, where you stand with them? Do they hide their phone and other electronic devices from you?
Do you feel like you’re walking on eggshells?
Does this person manipulate and sabotage your emotional, physical and/or financial health and then claim that you are misunderstanding, or you are too sensitive?
Is the reason you don’t leave this person, because you are emotionally, mentally and physical entrenched in his/her ‘Push and Pull’ game?
Push You Away: They grow bored and restless, pick fights, find everything wrong with you, refuse to have meaningful and problem-solving discussions, blame you for expecting and insisting upon their responsible behavior and contributions, and when you expect answers they blame you for being “crazy,” or “angry,” or being the problem, then storm away without a word. Subsequently, this same person reappears and Pulls You Back: They show back up in a few days, few week, or a few months and act like nothing happened, and everything is okay, back to normal, and offer no discussion regarding what happened or even an explanation of their past whereabouts or activities. And sadly, you’ve been ‘trained’ to not ask questions but to just be grateful for their return, and another round of their love-bombing.
If any of the above seems familiar, you may be dealing with a Narcissist, Sociopath, Psychopath or Borderline. All these Personality Disorders are confusing and there is a lack of education and understanding regarding people who have these destructive disorders; and who ultimately ruin the lives of those closest to them. And it gets more confusing: it is often the case that the partners of these damaging individuals are highly empathetic, healers, co-dependent, and even borderline; and who were raised in abusive and/or neglectful environments.
People with these destructive personalities are not serial killers but come across very charming and likable. They often have a network of supporters (enablers) around them because they are personable, and seem powerful and knowledgeable, and they know how to ingratiate themselves to others through shallow flattery and the offering of inappropriate favors and gestures.
REACH OUT – YOU ARE NOT ALONE
Lynna Kivela, MA, the well respected author of the book, “My Sociopath,” is now offering special rates on her consultation services. She received an MA in Education at Chapman University, Orange, CA, a BA in Social Science at California State University, San Bernardino, CA, and a Yoga Teaching Certificate at MiraCosta College, Oceanside, CA.
Consultations are offered by phone, text, Skype, Messenger, or email and in-person for those local to the San Diego and North San Diego County area.
Movement Therapy Services are available for local clients.
“My Sociopath,” as an ebook and paperback, is now available on Amazon.